‘I have . . . I have a secret,’ she said, her voice shaking. To say this out loud felt like prising the top off a volcano and her heart raced.

‘What d’you mean, “a secret”? What kind of secret?’

‘I mean, it’s something I’ve kept to myself for the longest time – the reason I keep things hidden and why I’m sometimes shut off, and the reason Philip doesn’t come here very often and keeps his distance from my parents, and also the reason I try so hard to be a good mum to Jake and Nats.’ She cursed her tears. ‘It’s the reason for this deep, deep throb of sadness that’s in my bones, but I kept it at bay. I did. I buried it all until I miscarried our baby, but that triggered something inside of me, made me think about my loss and then, in the throes of my sadness, someone from my past, a girl from school, said some wicked things to me, reminded me of a time in my life I have tried to forget . . . and I started to unravel.’

He sighed, as if willing her to get to the point.

‘And on and off in the years since, my secret sadness has risen to the top of my throat and threatens to choke me, and it’s all I can do not to topple over with the force of keeping it down. That first decade of marriage with you, it was golden’ – she smiled at the truth – ‘and I thought I was over my sadness, or as much as I could be. But it’s become an overwhelming and persistent thought that I can’t shake: the memory of another time when I was pregnant, but, but . . . I didn’t get a baby at the end of it.’ To say the words out loud felt scary and liberating, like jumping from a great height, liking the feel of the wind in her face and the joy of the fall, while at the same time knowing she was going to hit the bottom soon.

‘I don’t actually know what you’re talking about,’ he said gently, sitting forward now to stroke Chutney, who had placed his head on Mario’s lap. ‘But . . . I suspect it’s something to do with the box of letters at the top of your wardrobe?’

‘Oh!’ she yelled. ‘Ohhhhhh!’ She closed her eyes and let out a sound that was animal-like, almost a howl. Taking a deep breath, she looked up at his profile in the half-light. ‘You . . . you saw them?’ The thought of him reading her innermost thoughts stashed in a cardboard box, hidden behind her sparkling silver shoes, and worse still, not telling her he had – it was unthinkable. She felt exposed and completely floored.