Her mum drew breath. ‘You’re on edge, judgemental, unhappy, snappy, distant – and it baffles me because you have so much to feel happy about. It’s your birthday, and Dan and Jake are happy and coming home today! And Nats is doing so well, and you have a lovely little house and a job you like . . .’

‘I know all that. It’s just . . .’ Bess cursed the thickening at the back of her nose, not wanting to cry. And as much as she was driven to speak, it was truly far harder to open up than she had realised. She knew that no matter what she said it would only ever be half of the truth and would bring no comfort at all. ‘I feel like . . .’

‘You feel like what, love?’ Her mum’s tone was soft now, the crease at the top of her nose evidence of her concern.

‘I’m fifty-three, and sometimes I can’t help but wonder if this is it, Mum?’

‘You think you might be dying?’

Bess questioned her mother’s calm demeanour at this possibility. ‘No, you silly moo! I mean all the things I thought I’d do, the way I thought I’d live. I thought I’d become someone – see the world, or at least some of it. I thought I’d feel different, be happier. I thought being happy was a given.’

‘Being happy is never a given. You need to take risks. I told you to enter “Miss Frinton-on-Sea” when we were there on holiday.’

‘This is not about “Miss Frinton-on-Sea”.’ Bess pinched the top of her nose, the back of her nostrils stinging with frustration. ‘It’s about being sixteen, and then twenty-four, and then thirty-five – and then fifty-bloody-three! And every other birthday you can think of: planning my life in my head as I get older and older, thinking about the house I might live in, the car I might drive, the sex I might have, the places I’d like to see on the planet before they’re either underwater or burnt to the ground! And yet knowing deep down that I would never achieve any of it because I was too stupid and too trusting and too . . . not enough! I’m just not enough. I was never going to be pretty like Melanie Hall or rich like Michelle. And it didn’t matter, not really, because above all else, I was being the best mum I could be to Jake and Nats, doing everything I could for them. It was all about my little family.’