The most unexpected part of this book has been the wonderful response I’ve gotten from the followers of my stories on Twitter. Every day, people I don’t know, from all over the world, write to me to say how much they enjoy the stories I’ve written. Strangers have been wonderfully kind and supportive. They continue to send me nouns to inspire more stories. It’s the interacting and collaborating with readers that made the process of creating this book so wonderfully joyous.

Join the conversation and collaborate on more stories:
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— Sean Hill

Chapter 1:

Relationships

I wrote “I love you” a thousand times on the walls, but you were too deep in a romance novel to notice I wanted to be more than roommates.

Chris likes cougars. They’re experienced. They’re sexy. The things they could do together. If only he could catch one. Chris is 85.

I put myself on the curb and waited for the trash truck to collect me. Hoping to find you. Didn’t mean to call you trashy.

Suzy wasn’t sure why she liked Trey. He didn’t have much money and wasn’t good looking. Maybe the fact he loved her counted for something.

I never had much luck with women till that day in the lab. Then things changed. Now, they can’t get enough of me. Seems invisible is sexy.

Called my dad to let him know my wife, Janice, was gone. “What happened?” asked my dad. “My fault,” I said, “forgot to lock the door.”

Marrying a robot wife was the answer to my loneliness, until I woke up to an empty bed and found her cuddling the refrigerator.

I met Mary in the grocery store. She smiled at me and I fell in love instantly, missing the red flag that she was wearing only one shoe.

For Walt, there were two kinds of women: those who liked him and those who didn’t. He only liked those who didn’t, sensing their good taste.

He married her, saying how special she was. Then at her happiest moment, he touched her, turning her to stone, so her feeling would last.

I strapped on my goggles and jumped into the flames. I loved Mirabel. Dammed if I’d let the Devil have her because she had impure thoughts.

I put the poison in the cup and we sat down to tea. My wife, Hilda, chattered on, not noticing I’d expired, finally finding peace and quiet.

Met Alysa on the beach. Took her to my car, dried her off. When legs did not magically appear, I lost interest, dropped her at the aquarium.

Mona softly opened the door and turned on her flashlight. He was sleeping. She couldn’t get her dignity back, but she could get her money.

Would she still love me? I rang the doorbell. It opened. She was still beautiful. “Pookie!” she said, just like she did 50 years ago.