MASHA I didn’t wish it on her. I just thought . . . well, if you were going to drive her to her door, why didn’t you drop her off first, when you and I were in the car . . . and now . . . you’re going out on a second trip.

SPIKE Masha, I just drove back here first, not thinking. What are you afraid of? Do you want to drive with me, as I drive Nina to her door?

MASHA No. Certainly not. And I’m not afraid of anything. Just don’t be long.

SPIKE All right. I’ll see you in a bit.

MASHA All right, darling.

SPIKE (thrown away, bit hard to hear:) Don’t wait up. (exits)

MASHA (to Vanya and Sonia) I just don’t see why he didn’t drop her off first. You know what I mean?

VANYA None of us thought of it. I mean she left from here, so it seemed logical to bring her back here.

MASHA Wait a minute. Did he just say “don’t wait up”?

VANYA Did he? I’m not sure.

SONIA Yes, he did say that. I was surprised you didn’t fall to the ground and hold on to his foot.

MASHA What?

SONIA When he said “don’t wait up.” I thought you would say something.

MASHA No, he must have said something that sounded like that. I mean he’s just taking her next door. It couldn’t take longer than 5 minutes.

SONIA Maybe he’ll go in and meet her family. Maybe she’ll offer him a cup of tea. Or a brandy. And it can take a very long time to sip a brandy. And they’ll have a long, long conversation.

MASHA What is the matter with you today? You’re so hostile to me.

VANYA Don’t fight, you two.

MASHA I just feel nervous about if he said “Don’t wait up” or not.

VANYA Maybe he didn’t say it. I don’t know what he said.

MASHA Everything seems wrong today. And I’m going to give Hootie Pie a piece of my mind. The Snow White costume was a big bust. Nobody knows the Walt Disney version anymore, so they had no idea who I was supposed to be. And Nina, that nasty, grasping young girl, asked me if I was Norma Desmond. And someone else said Little Bo Peep. And several people thought I was a Hummel figurine.

SONIA People seemed to like my costume.

MASHA Well, Sonia, don’t be so happy about it. You’re happy at my expense.

SONIA Am I? Am I allowed to be happy ONLY when you’re happy? Is that one of the rules of being around Masha?

VANYA Let’s unwind and not argue. I’m going to go make tea for all of us. Stop talking about upsetting things. Think calming thoughts.

SONIA Can it be Sleepy Time tea?

VANYA Yes, it can.