“Well, don’t, Sarah.” I snatch my phone and keys and walk out, pacing through The Manor, my whole body shaking. I try to take a moment in my car to calm. No calm.

I race down the driveway toward the gates, and I can’t help feeling like I’m driving toward my end.

37

I know deep down she won’t answer, but a glimmer of hope inside has me calling her repeatedly on my drive into the city. When I see Sam trying to get through, I abandon yet another attempt to get hold of Ava and take his call. “I’m on my way to Kate’s,” I tell him. “I assume she’s there.”

“Yeah, I’m thinking you need to let the dust settle,” Sam says.

“No.”

“Jesse, she’s not in a good way.”

“Neither am I. Don’t tell her I’m coming.” She’ll run. She can’t run.

He sighs, and I hang up, not giving him another opportunity to try and talk me out of this. Nothing will talk me out of it.

I’m banking on this drive to give me time to cool down and gather myself, but with each call she rejects and with each mile under the tires, I’m nowhere close to being together by the time I pull up outside Kate’s. I mindlessly leave my car in the middle of the street and jog up to the door, letting my fists loose again. Desperation is controlling me. Fear rooting so deep I’m certain I’ll never dig it out. “Ava!” I bellow. “Ava, open the door!” After two minutes straight of hitting the wood, I go back to my phone, dialing her, as I reverse my steps, looking up at the house. “Come on, baby. Give me some time.”

“Hey, mate, you gonna move your car?”

I look up, seeing a guy pacing toward me, waving his arms, gesturing to the line of traffic up the street. I have no intention of moving my car, but I’ll move him if he comes too close.

“Jesse, what the fucking hell?” Kate yells, coming out and traipsing down the path toward me.

“Kate,” I breathe, meeting her on the pavement. “Kate, please, tell her I need to see her.”

She shakes her head at me, and the disappointment in her eyes hurts. “Move your car,” she orders gently. “I can’t think with all these car horns screaming.”

“Hey, is anyone going to move the car?”

“Be patient!” Kate yells. “There’s a tragic fucking love story playing out here.”

Tragic. Ain’t that right? She’s not ordered me away, so I’m going with this. Will do anything she says. I go to my car and park it up the road, and Kate joins me. I lean against my Aston, head dropped, feeling so fucking ashamed of myself as Ava’s best friend stands before me.

“You should have told her.”