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Back This Woman Save as PDF
Chapters (44)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise For Jodi Ellen Malpas
  3. Dedication
  4. Prologue
  5. 1
  6. 2
  7. 3
  8. 4
  9. 5
  10. 6
  11. 7
  12. 8
  13. 9
  14. 10
  15. 11
  16. 12
  17. 13
  18. 14
  19. 15
  20. 16
  21. 17
  22. 18
  23. 19
  24. 20
  25. 21
  26. 22
  27. 23
  28. 24
  29. 25
  30. 26
  31. 27
  32. 28
  33. 29
  34. 30
  35. 31
  36. 32
  37. 33
  38. 34
  39. 35
  40. 36
  41. 37
  42. 38
  43. About Jodi Ellen Malpas
  44. Also by Jodi Ellen Malpas

We both flinch. “You’ve got to stop blaming yourself,” John grates, his anger rising, the subject guaranteed to spike it.

“How can I, John? It was my fault.”

“No.” He takes both of my shoulders in his big palms and shakes me. “You deserve more than this self-sabotage.”

I can’t agree. I don’t deserve more. I just need some good in my life. Some peace. Some fucking forgiveness. I rest my hands over his and smile mildly. “Maybe Ava is the more you speak of,” I say, throwing his words back at him, and given what he’s just said, he can’t possibly challenge me. And his body shrinking slightly tells me he knows that. “She makes me feel good,” I say, lifting his hands. “I don’t deserve her, but I want her.” I let myself into my office and rest my back against the door, leaving John on the other side, probably with his head in his hands. I’ve always expected too much of him. And it would be too much to expect him to understand. I realize I’m merely replacing alcohol and an unhealthy, hedonistic lifestyle with something else. That itself is unhealthy. Ava and me, though? Together? That’s glorious, and it feels so incredibly right. My dependence, however? I know that’s not right. Or healthy.

I sigh wearily and take myself to the free couch, kicking off my shoes and watching as Coral flips her body over and snuggles deeper. She’s going to feel like hell in the morning. Worse still after I hit her with reality. I get comfortable on my back and fold my arms behind my head, propping it up, tiredness taking hold.

This is the last night I will spend without Ava.

End of.

16

Her head is buried in my naked chest. Her palms are resting on my shoulders. My arms are wrapped around her waist. She’s nervous, and I don’t know why. But I do know it’s making me edgy. “What’s wrong?” I ask into her hair, brushing my nose through the strands, taking comfort from her natural scent. She clings to me tighter, as if she can’t bear to let me go. “Ava, baby, tell me.” I gently push her away and find her eyes. They’re overflowing with tears. Tears of despair? Of joy?

What?

My heartbeat slows. I can’t quite catch my breath.

“I can’t be with you,” she murmurs, her voice cracked and rough. She looks away, and my heart feels like it stops beating completely.

“What are you talking about?” I ask, taking her chin and forcing her to face me. I hate the desperation I see in her beautiful eyes. “We’re perfect together, Ava. Me and you. We’re perfect.”