I start to negotiate her in my hold, rising to my feet with her cradled against my chest. Her hold tightens. She snuggles deeper. “I love you,” I whisper, my jaw clenched as I convince my feet to move, walking to the stairs. If I tell her enough, will it seep into her mind? Will she ever know?

“I love you too,” she murmurs, and I halt, caught between shock and elation. But when I find her sound asleep, unconscious, sadness snuffs my joy. Will either of us ever find a way to speak those words to each other when we’re both awake and aware? She’s as scared as I am. How can we both be brave?

I carry her to my room and lay her delicately down, stripping her out of my shirt. Crawling in behind her, I curl every inch of me around her body, banishing all space between us. Her warm skin, the smell of her hair, the sound of her gentle breaths. It’s like a sleeping pill, and I doze off dreaming of my happily ever after.

“Hey, baby girl.” I drop to my haunches and open my arms, my heart swelling as her little legs run toward me. Her smiling face is like sunshine and rainbows, and one look at it rights all of my wrongs.

“Daddy!” Rosie dives at me, and I catch her, her little butt sitting just right on my forearm.

I rise and plant a kiss on her cheek. “I’ve missed you.” It’s been a matter of days, but each day feels like a week going without her. Lauren’s mother approaches, her usual look of disdain firmly in place, a little pink backpack hanging from a finger. She extends her arm, passing it to me without having to get too close. The animosity is rife and yet, thank God, Rosie is oblivious to the daggers firing this way.

“Thanks,” I say, accepting and swinging it onto my shoulder. As always, there are no pleasantries. No “hello” or “how are you?” Collecting my daughter is almost like a business transaction. A handover. I don’t hang around. Focusing on Rosie in my arms, who’s currently playing with my earlobe as she sucks her thumb, I find the smile that’s so easy to locate when we’re together. “You want to go to the park and feed the ducks?”