I hit the red icon. I can’t. Reaching for the stereo, I crank up the volume, closing my eyes, trying to get myself back to a relatively peaceful place. This conflict makes no sense. Amalie often tries to get in touch, and it never hits me this hard. Right now, I feel guilty. I feel like a bastard. Blocking her from my mind and my life has always been easy. Casting thoughts of my parents aside was instinctive. Why now am I finding it so hard?

The only thing that’s changed is the lack of alcohol.

Why is everything—emotions, actions, thoughts—all related to the fucking bottle?

Because drink masked everything.

I look up at Kate’s house. She’s why. For her, I don’t want to be a bastard. “Fuck,” I breathe, resting my head on the window, trying to muster the courage to call my sister back.

Ten minutes later, I still haven’t. I drag my hands down my face and try to realign myself, ready for Ava because, obviously, she sees when something is on my mind, when I’m unsettled, when I’m sad, and she presses me.

Knock, knock, knock.

My head nearly hits the roof of my car when I jump. Disorientated, I look out of the window, seeing a man’s face pushed up close to the glass. I back up a bit. Then his uniform registers. “For fuck’s sake.” I roll my eyes, looking at the rearview mirror. It’s a quiet residential street, there’s no traffic, and I’m not blocking the road. I let the passenger window down. “I’m waiting for someone,” I say, immediately clicking the button to put the window back up, taking away his opportunity to challenge me. I’m in no mood. I hope he senses that.

Knock, knock, knock.

I grind my teeth and slowly turn warning eyes onto him. He doesn’t heed the caution, motioning up and down the road to the non-existent traffic. “Fuck off,” I grunt, looking past him when Ava comes flying out of the door. The fact that she looks crazy gorgeous is superseded by the speed at which she’s running, looking into her bag as she stuffs things into it. For Christ’s sake, she’ll trip.

I give the warden my middle finger when he knocks again, glancing at my phone when it starts ringing. My sister’s name on the screen makes my mood plummet further. I don’t know what to say to you, Amalie. I let the window down again, and the drone of the warden’s voice becomes clearer. “I’m just doing my job. Abuse will not be tolerated.”

I look past him, seeing Ava hovering beyond, constantly moving from side to side, trying to find a way around him. “Move so the lady can get in the car,” I order. He ignores me. Stupid fuck.