Ever since I was a child, I’ve imagined fires when I can’t get to sleep. I make a mental list of the things I’ll take with me and I plan which way I’ll run and wonder if the door handles will be too hot to touch by now. The houses, doors and things have changed over the years, but the fire stays the same. My old flat was on the fourth floor and there I often thought of jumping off the balcony. Should I jump, or should I burn? It’s hard to know until you’re actually in the situation.

Towards the end of September, the nights started getting colder. I asked Pekka to put a proper latch on the cellar door. I had the feeling something was trying to creep in. Chill or damp or a field mouse. I don’t want anything to come in through that door apart from home-made apple jam.

And then there are the windows. Once, in summer, I was woken up by a bat flying over the bed! It flew round and round and round, bumping against the lamp every now and then. God! I buried myself under the quilt, head and toes covered, and started shouting. I was yelling in Swedish without even realizing. Pekka took the quilt off me and started massaging my calf, thinking I had cramp again. At last I managed to switch back to Finnish. I’m like, ‘Baaaat!’ at the top of my voice. Pekka only realized then that there was something fluttering above his head. He got up and the bat came down. I squeezed myself against the bed as flat as I could. I think I screamed.

Pekka swiped at the bat with a scarf and managed to get it to drop down on to the floor. It was hissing and snapping inside the material. It even tried to bite him. In the end Pekka lifted the bundle up towards the window and threw it out.

‘Poor thing, it must have been terrified,’ Pekka said as he closed the window.

I couldn’t believe my ears. He felt sorry for the bat. Somehow, I had behaved childishly, but the poor bat was terrified, landing in this strange place.

The girl’s so quiet in the day. I don’t know what goes on in her head, and she’s not telling. She stares ahead, alone with her thoughts, and just snorts when I try to ask her anything. Nothing really gets a rise out of her.