‘We’ll be in touch if there’s anything else…’ said the large, sweaty policeman. He had no intention of gathering us all together in the living room and revealing the truth. He wouldn’t stay behind for blackcurrant juice. He didn’t want to explain. He wanted to go.

The officers walked out of the front door in a line.

Auntie locked up Sawdust House.

12

12

The morning after Mum’s death, Auntie Annu came to see us. We were in hospital, because Dad had been put under sedation there. A bed had been made up for me next to him.

That morning, the door opened and Auntie Annu walked in. She looked us straight in the eye, walked across the room and gave us each a long hug. She was the first person to look me in the eye after Mum’s death. Her eyes were like two holes you could see in through, but she still didn’t look past me.

‘You’re coming to the manor house,’ Auntie Annu said. She started collecting our things. ‘You’ll stay until next week, at least.’

Dad didn’t answer. He did get up and put on his shoes, though.

I started jumping, because it felt so good that someone had come to get us and had looked us in the eye.

Dad slumped back on to the bed and took me in his arms. I would have liked to comfort Dad and say something, but I couldn’t. I made a tortoise out of Dad’s fingers. You leave the ring finger at the bottom and bend all the other fingers over it. Then, finally, you push the thumb inside the shell. After I had folded the fingers of both hands, Auntie put our bag on her shoulder and said quietly, ‘Let’s go.’

Dad carried me into the car and sat next to me on the back seat. The tortoises fell apart. Dad held on to his head as if he were afraid it would come loose and fall off. The whole time, Dad kept saying, ‘It doesn’t make any sense. It doesn’t make any sense. It doesn’t make any sense.’

Auntie gave him a pill from a bottle the nurse had pre-scribed, and after a bit, Dad’s words slowed down and he leaned his head against the window.

That’s how we moved into the manor house. Auntie made some spicy soup and said we had to eat a little bit every day. After the first night, she drove to Sawdust House, packed a bag with clean clothes and toys she found in a cupboard, and wellies that were too small. She brought a board game, too, but no one wanted to play.