‘We photoed some crack-fiend musician in it. He was angling to steal it himself so I ran off with it when he was tooting up in the toilets and blamed him.’

I could just get the trousers to fasten.

‘That’s snug,’ I said.

‘And I had them loosened last year too,’ he admitted. ‘I hope she’s impressed. You look all right. For you, you look all right. Go on: you can keep it if you like.’

I looked at him in his apron. ‘How did you fix things with Julia, then?’

‘Oh, you know. We’ve decided to try for a baby.’

‘That’s good?’

‘Yeah. I hope so. I can’t do a worse job than my parents, anyway. How’s Mary?’

‘She’s all right. She’s moving out. She thinks you’re an arsehole.’

‘Good for her. I am an arsehole. First rule of Arseholes Anonymous, isn’t it? Declare yourself. Admit you can’t help it. Avoid situations where you might be an arsehole.’

‘Which are?’

‘Almost any in which one talks to members of the opposite sex.’

I looked at myself in the mirror again and straightened my tie. ‘That’s too far for me. I’ll have to try to be a functioning arsehole.’

*

‘And how are you?’ said Susannah to Sophie. ‘You’re becoming such a star these days. Paul – do you know Gary?’