She nodded, squinting at me as if what she was seeing wasn’t in focus.

‘Let’s be frivolous. I have not taken my decision to be frivolous without some serious fucking thought involved.’

‘OK.’ She breathed out. ‘We need another drink. I need a proper one.’

‘Yes. Me too.’

*

She left her phone on the table while she was at the bar and it buzzed. Richard, said the screen.

When she returned and read her message, she held her phone upright, so I couldn’t see the screen, and she began to smile in the unhindered way that had once given me hope.

‘Who’s that?’ I asked.

‘Just an old mate.’

‘Oh, yeah?’

‘You sound a bit like my jealous fiancé.’

I held my hands up in surrender.

‘I need to use the toilet,’ she said. And she took her phone with her.

But forty-five minutes later, when she went to the toilet again, she left the phone in her bag, at the top where I could see it. I have an eye for a certain detail. She unlocked her phone by drawing a Z across the screen.

I drew the Z and held the phone under the table. Today’s exchange went:

I’m going to be in London on Wednesday next week.

On your own?

Yes. Are you free?

I can be, in the afternoon, early evening.

Great. I’ve missed you. Just let me know where you want me.

I scrolled up further, looking at the dates and stopping when I saw the following exchange in the week after I’d left her in the north.

Can I come and see you?

I’m working.

That wasn’t a no. Say no.

No.

No meaning no, or no, you won’t say no?

Emily?

I was deliberating. No: I won’t say no.

I’ll get into Blackpool North tomorrow arriving at 1503.

OK. I’ll see you there.

Great. XXX

Two days later.

I can smell you on me. I can breathe you in. I had such a good time.

Yuck. I had a good time too though.

I can remember everything. It’s like your skin is still pressed against mine.

What happened to the sardonic Yorkshireman I fell in love with? Who is this heavy breather who has stolen his phone?

In love?

Figure of speech. Fell into bed with.

I should leave her. I love you. Tell me to leave her.

We’ve done this before. Don’t leave her. That was enough. That was perfect. Listen to yourself. You’re in some kind of mania.

You’re cold.

I’m not replying any more.

I’m sorry. You’re not cold.

Emily?

Emily?

Come on, Emily.