‘Wait, that does ring a bell. That was you? Why’ve you never mentioned that?’

‘You didn’t recognise me when Emily introduced us. I wasn’t offended. I didn’t want to make you feel embarrassed about it.’

‘I wouldn’t have felt embarrassed. I think I— I remember that! Was that you?’

‘Yes.’

‘Well, that’s weird. What were you doing there?’

‘Reading.’

The crease in the middle of his forehead deepened. ‘Whether you were there or not, it doesn’t change what you did. I want to know why you’ve implied to Emily that I’m having an affair.’

‘I didn’t do that.’

‘It sounds to me like that is exactly what you did.’

‘I didn’t think you were having an affair. Are you having an affair?’

‘No, I’m not, and that’s none of your business.’

‘Great, then why don’t you apologise to me, and stop being so paranoid?’

He spluttered. ‘Apologise to you? You’ve arrived in my life from nowhere, Paul, looking on at me in bars, coming round for lunch—’

‘You invited me for lunch…’

‘—and taking my fiancée away for a weekend and installing her in a house after suggesting to her that I’m having an affair! A house she has not returned from. And not only that but you’re pursuing my daughter!’

During this speech I had been watching a woman approach us, a journalist who was often in the shop.

‘We’re about to be interrupted,’ I said.

‘What?’

‘Jenny. That one, there.’

‘Oh, yes. She seems familiar. Can you get rid of her?’

‘I can try.’

‘Paul!’ she said, and I stood to kiss her hello.

‘This is—’

‘I know exactly who this is, that’s why I ran over. Andrew Lancaster, so nice to see you again! How do you two know each other?’

‘Oh, hello. Yes, you’re familiar. How do I know Paul? Paul here is sleeping with my daughter,’ said Andrew.

Jenny laughed and patted me on the arm. Andrew stayed sitting down. ‘He’s such a joker. Are you, Paul?’

‘He hasn’t said as much,’ continued Andrew, ‘but my daughter has written a column about it, so we can all enjoy the details. You’ve probably read it. Perhaps you’ve even slept with Paul too, Jenny?’

‘No! What a question. We haven’t, have we, Paul?’

‘It probably wouldn’t be very memorable,’ said Andrew.

‘Andrew’s a terrific lover,’ I said. ‘He first made love in the 1960s and has been practising ever since.’

‘Oh, fuck off, Paul.’

‘This is where I work. You fuck off.’

‘Well, I — nice seeing you both,’ said Jenny, backing away.

‘Sorry, Jenny. I’m afraid this is a bad time,’ he said. ‘We were just about to have an argument.’