‘You don’t,’ he said. ‘Trust me about that.’

‘You can if you want to.’

‘Don’t be soft. I came up here to leather you.’

‘I wondered.’

He walked forwards and I fought the urge to cringe away. He took my shoulders in his hands and I waited for his head to descend and break my nose.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘About your dad. He were all right, thinking about it.’

‘It’s OK,’ I said.

He nodded. Then he turned and walked out. I turned the dryer on and rubbed my hands together. I could see my reflection in its chrome. This face that people didn’t seem to mind at first: my friendly face, my mixture of Mum and Dad stamped over me. I had been told I looked young for my age.

My hands were dry now. I could believe in general that we were all formed by our past, fed by the soil in which we’d been planted, but I still hoped that if I remained alert I would find a way to be an exception to the rule. I looked at my face again and then I smashed my head against it.

*

My nose had stopped bleeding by the time I got home. I had held my bloody sweater to my face on the walk back, while Emily stroked my back and said reassuring things.

When we got in I washed my face again and opened a bottle of wine my mum might have been saving for Christmas. I poured a glass and took it into the front room and lay on the plush white carpet and imagined it blotting red through. Emily was in the bathroom and I shouted through for her to help herself to wine in the kitchen.

The woman next door was shouting at her children.

I closed my eyes and took careful sips of wine.

‘You’ve got me wondering if it’s safe to stay here,’ she said.

I opened my eyes. She was standing in front of me in her jeans and walking jumper and socks, holding a glass of wine.

‘I might have gone to Cornwall,’ she said, taking a seat.

‘Not for free, you wouldn’t.’

I missed my mouth and a drop of red fell on the carpet. I leaped up and came back with kitchen roll to blot it.

‘Are you sure your head’s all right?’ Emily said.

‘I’m fine,’ I said.

‘Well, let’s stay up for a while at least. In case you start behaving strangely.’

‘Start?’

‘Stop.’

She sat on the sofa and I stayed on the floor. There was a very small CD collection and I put on Blonde on Blonde. Gradually my head moved closer to her feet and I felt a strong urge to rest it on them. And then I did.