It was unfair of me to remind him, especially when I was the one who had left him. I said it anyway. “You once promised you never would.”

“I never intended to. My ego took over.” He licked his lips and cursed. “She was hanging about, and I took advantage of her interest only when I sensed your arrival.”

I swiped my nose. “That’s all?”

“That’s all.” He captured my cheeks, calloused thumbs sliding over the wet beneath my eyes. “You hurt me, Aster. You damned near fucking ruined me, and I’ve spent so long in pain that I wanted you to feel it, too. I failed to think about why you left. I failed to remember that you didn’t even want to leave,” he said, and I melted more with every low yet resolute word. “All I could see and feel and think was that you did leave.”

“I thought you would have forgotten me,” I whispered.

“I wanted to,” he admitted. “I failed miserably, so I was never going to take it any further than what you saw. I just needed to gain back some control, to feel like I was in control, but I’m not.” His mouth lifted a little. “I need to be, and I’m not, and I can’t fucking stand it. Can’t stand even admitting it, and I’m sorry.”

That was it. Stark honesty. No matter how much it poisoned.

And poison it did.

“I’m not sure what’s worse,” I said thickly. “That I believe you or that I don’t know if I want to.” More tears escaped, and he wiped them away with his thumbs. “You’re a risk. One I’m not so sure I’m strong enough to take.”

His jaw clenched. “Don’t make me say it, Aster.” When I frowned, he sighed and gently tilted my chin until our gazes met. “I haven’t been with anyone since you left me.”

My stomach dropped, emptying me of a working heartbeat. “You’re lying, and there’s truly no need.” Yet my eyes drifted back to the flowers, the pouch of sweets spilling onto the grass a few steps beside them. My words fell into a baffled whisper. “I told you not to lie to me.”

“I know,” he said, bringing my attention back to him. “And I’m many unseemly things, wildflower, but I wouldn’t lie to you.”

He couldn’t possibly have been alone this entire time. “But it’s been…”

“Eighteen months and ten days,” he supplied quick and confidently.

I blinked hard enough to send the rapid gathering of fresh tears to my cheeks.

He wasn’t real. No male of sane mind would keep themselves for someone they knew damned well they might never see again.