They had bought a beautiful blue spruce last year and the memory of decorating the tree evoked the smell of woodland and the taste of mulled wine. Jason would recall only how he had picked pine needles out of his socks throughout January – except, April’s weary brain told her, he wouldn’t.

Pain stabbed at her heart, making April gasp, and she wrapped her arms tightly around her body. She stayed like that until she lost track of time and consciousness, but even as she slumbered, she was aware of the space in the bed next to her. When the duvet moved, she let out a whimper and was pulled into a dream not of her choosing.

Bright light flooded the room and April snapped her eyes open to catch sight of Jason jumping out of bed. Wearing only shorts, his skin glowed a healthy pink. She could feel the warmth radiating from his body and everything about him felt real. She needed him to be real.

‘You’re here,’ she said, her voice catching.

‘Of course I am. Where else would I be?’ he asked, looking around the flat they had shared together.

‘I thought …’ she began, raising herself on to her elbow. She didn’t want to mention his death for fear of breaking the spell. ‘I don’t know. I’m just glad you’re here.’

Jason’s features twisted. ‘You thought I was with another woman.’

‘I didn’t. I never—’

‘Don’t lie to me, April. Don’t lie to yourself,’ he warned. ‘How could you think I’d cheat on you? I don’t understand why you don’t trust me. What did I do wrong?’

‘You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s me. I’m being paranoid. I’m sorry,’ she cried.

He fixed her with a stare. ‘Why do you hate me so much?’

‘I don’t. I love you.’

‘Liar,’ he snarled.

‘I’m not.’

‘Go on, spit it out. Tell me why you hate me.’

April drew herself up so she was kneeling on the bed. She had longed to confront Jason, and this was her chance.

‘Say it, April.’

‘Fine then!’ she yelled. ‘I hate you because you died! You’re dead, Jason! You lay down next to me and you just died. There was no goodbye. No warning.’ Her voice grew weaker. ‘You left me alone with your cold, dead body. It was horrible. It still is.’ She clawed at the bedclothes, but her anger was spent and only the pain remained. ‘The only person who could have helped me through something like that is gone. If you loved me so much, why do that to me? Why Jason?’