‘What had you in mind, sir? Rolled gold, gold plate, silver gilt, or solid gold? Chased, jewelled, or plain? Did you want left-handed or right-handed? Now, as far as length goes I can do you anything from six inches to twenty-eight inches. If you want anything outside that I’m afraid they’ll have to be specially made.

‘Now here’s rather a nice model, sir. This is the Sandringham. A very nice scissor – a very nice scissor, indeed. Perhaps you’d like to hold it, sir. Do you feel how snugly it sits in the hand? Try it on this demonstration tape here . . . that’s right, sir. Lovely action, isn’t it?

‘Or perhaps you’d prefer something more traditional? Have a look at the Osborne. A very conservative scissor, this one. I expect some people would think it was a bit old-fashioned, but as a matter of fact we sell quite a lot of them. Oh, yes, there’s something about tradition, isn’t there, sir, whatever they say . . .

‘This one, sir? This is the Holyrood. It’s a heavy-duty scissor for the thicker tape. You’ll find some of your big contractors and engineering firms put up a very heavy gauge tape if you don’t watch them.

‘Now this one’s the Balmoral. Very fashionable now, sir. More what they call the Italian cut. It’s a very smart piece of scissoring, sir – in tremendous demand among the younger set.

‘Of course, if you have a budget to bear in mind – and who hasn’t, these days? – you might prefer to invest in a used pair. Yes, of course. Would you step this way, sir? We have a very representative stock of guaranteed used ware. It has of course all been serviced in our own workshops. I beg your pardon, sir? Oh, the original inscriptions removed, sir. Not at all, sir, not at all. A very sensible question.

‘The used scissors are in these cases over here. I don’t know whether you’re interested in anything else? Golden hammers? Silver trowels? Ceremonial switches? Certainly, sir, the switches are along this wall here. How about that big one at the back? It was formerly used by the Duchess of Middlesex to open the new Whuish hydro-electric scheme. What had you in mind exactly, sir . . . ? Computers? Perhaps this one with the gold-plated condensers would be rather suitable. We built it on the premises here for Miss Romaine Roxy to switch on the illuminations at Weston-super-­Mare. Then it was used again for the illuminations at South Shields, with the Lord Lieutenant of Durham officiating, if I remember correctly. It’s seen a bit of life, that switch, sir.