I leant against the wall, waiting, the gin singing through my veins, watched by a weird painting of an angel, having sedate sex with— I squinted. God apparently: ‘Angel and God Love’ was scrawled in the left corner.

What was God in this picture though? An animal? Hermaphrodite? Hard to tell. The angel, on the other hand, had a BLM logo emblazoned on her left wing.

Right on. It only confirmed my belief all modern art was weird.

A nasty feeling clambered over me. I knew I’d just been absolutely foul to Ruby downstairs – dear Rubes, so straightforward and such a stalwart; heart-on-her-sleeve Ruby.

God, I’d even gone in on her and Jonny, and yet I’d never even really known them as a couple; I’d only been vaguely aware of her as a parent of a kid in Ceci’s class, during that first difficult year of stepmothering.

But it wasn’t an unfamiliar pattern to me, of course – to alienate those I actually felt affection for and from; to positively piss them off.

Now, feeling both humiliated and cruel, I realised I was dying for a cigarette.

Five minutes on, the bathroom door remained locked, which only played into my suspicious mind.

‘Hurry up!’ I knocked loudly, shifting from foot to foot. ‘Getting pretty desperate out here.’

Understatement of the year.

No response.

Glancing down the stairs, I caught a glimpse of the top of Rex’s head, coming through the front door.

Quickly, I opened another door to an empty room and slipped inside. It was Nella and Marcus’s, by the looks of the gargantuan bed – no queen-size for them. Fancy carved oak headboard, expensive hand-painted wallpaper of palm trees and golden birds. Tropical birds, caged: like me.

I stumbled over a pouffe and grinned at the joke, drunker than I’d realised. Just needed somewhere I could lock the door behind me…

No doubt there was an en suite somewhere, and not a cheap plastic one like in my house.

First door – walk-in wardrobe.

Second door – I nearly jumped out of my skin.

‘Don’t do it!’ I called to the man leaning out of the window. ‘It’s not worth it.’

‘Ha!’ He turned back into the room, his teeth white in the gloom, and I felt a rush of relief that made my knees a bit wobbly. I’d been joking – sort of – but stranger things have happened.

‘So you’re not jumping out?’

‘You gave me a bit of a shock there, so you did. I wasn’t planning on it, no.’ He stood up now, slipped something into his back pocket and wiped his hands on his jeans.

‘So what are you doing in here, Fin, with no lights on?’ I was curious.

‘Just having a sneaky fag.’ He flexed his back.

‘Oh great!’ I stepped nearer. ‘Can I have one?’

‘Ah, sorry. It was my last.’ The Irish lilt seemed even stronger than before. ‘Smoking’s bad for you though, don’t you know?’

‘Lots of things are bad for me, but I still want to do them,’ I muttered, my heart still going too fast. I leant against the edge of the curvy bathtub.