Leaving home with my moody hairstyle and my equally moody son, I couldn’t say I was looking forward to the next few hours.

But, looking back, these were the last moments of normality, and soon I’d crave them dearly.

Melissa

My only plan today, after helping Nella and co, had been to go home and make Ces up – but she’d turned up in the marquee earlier, looking completely fab.

She didn’t need me at all apparently; all those YouTube tutorials had paid off, and I realised I was both relieved – and slightly sad. Climbing the ladder in the tent, pretty bunting in hand, I wondered idly what the driving force had been for her massive revamp. I had a few solid guesses.

Whatever the reason, it was ace to see how brightly shining she was.

My stepdaughter had been at the forefront of my mind; had been the past few days, since Lynette’s latest breakdown. No, longer than that, in fact: since that awful camping trip; since I’d looked into her vacant eyes that night in the woods. She’d been frightened, grasping for reality. Lost.

I didn’t want her to go the way of her mother.

Of my own mother. Of the direction I imagined my mother had gone, once she’d totally disappeared.

The truth was, I was scared.

It was really hard, but I’d finally had to acknowledge that my love for Cecilia was the only thing that pinned me to life here with Rex; pinned me down like a powdery old butterfly, frail and dead in a dusty collector’s box.

I’d finally admitted to myself these past few weeks that I’d be long gone, flitting like I normally did – if it wasn’t for her. For so long, I’d only ever had to think about myself, because there was no one else.

But now there was Ceci too.

And I wasn’t sure how well I’d hidden my desperation from my husband, although I had tried.

But if I’d managed to hide it, last night wouldn’t have happened, would it?

As I hurried back down the ladder and out of the marquee, it was Ruby’s sweet, baffled face that stuck in my head.

The hurt emanated from her, though I knew she didn’t really mean me to see it. She was definitely worse at hiding things than I was.

It couldn’t be helped, I told myself: needs must.

Since Rex had come home early last night and foiled my effort to get out for a meet-up, I knew I’d have to try again today, although the windows of opportunity seemed to keep closing on me.

That or I’d have to go it alone. I had considered that.

But in that bloody tent, I had felt such a wave of desperation and self-loathing that, feeling dazed, I was willing to take the risk. I made my excuses to Ruby; rushed, sweaty and exhausted, outside, feeling the vacuum, the void opening beneath my feet.

Then I found my fingers on my phone, as if on autopilot.