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Chapters (53)
  1. The Source
  2. Dedication
  3. Contents
  4. Marie ~ London ~ 2006
  5. Carly ~ Warchester ~ 1996
  6. Marie ~ London ~ 2006
  7. Carly ~ Warchester ~ 1996
  8. Marie ~ London ~ 2006
  9. Carly ~ Warchester ~ 1996
  10. Marie ~ London ~ 2006
  11. Carly ~ Warchester ~ 1996
  12. Marie ~ London ~ 2006
  13. Carly ~ Warchester ~ 1996
  14. Marie ~ London ~ 2006
  15. Carly ~ Warchester ~ 1996
  16. Marie ~ London ~ 2006
  17. Carly ~ Warchester ~ 1996
  18. Marie ~ London ~ 2006
  19. Carly ~ Warchester ~ 1997
  20. Marie ~ London ~ 2006
  21. Carly ~ Warchester ~ 1997
  22. Marie ~ London ~ 2006
  23. Carly ~ Warchester ~ 1997
  24. Marie ~ London ~ 2006
  25. Carly ~ Warchester ~ 1997
  26. Marie ~ London ~ 2006
  27. Carly ~ Warchester ~ 1997
  28. Marie ~ London ~ 2006
  29. Carly ~ Warchester ~ 1997
  30. Marie ~ London ~ 2006
  31. Carly ~ Warchester ~ 1997
  32. Marie ~ London ~ 2006
  33. Carly ~ Warchester ~ 1997
  34. Carly ~ Warchester ~ 1998
  35. Marie ~ London ~ 2006
  36. Carly ~ London ~ 2001
  37. Marie ~ London ~ 2006
  38. Carly ~ London ~ 2001
  39. Marie ~ London ~ 2006
  40. Carly ~ London ~ 2001
  41. Marie ~ Just outside Warchester ~ 2006
  42. Carly ~ London ~ 2001
  43. Marie ~ London ~ 2006
  44. Carly ~ Deptford ~ 2002
  45. Marie ~ London ~ 2006
  46. Marie ~ Deptford ~ 2004
  47. Marie ~ London ~ 2006
  48. Marie ~ London ~ 2005
  49. Marie ~ London ~ 2006
  50. Marie ~ London ~ Six months later
  51. Acknowledgements
  52. ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  53. Copyright

‘Jase? Seriously?’ Kayleigh squawks as my arms tighten round her. ‘Here we go again…’ I have to drop Kayleigh as I straighten to round on Ma. She’s too heavy for me to carry anymore. ‘What 82would we have done if good old Sergeant Gates hadn’t kept showing up with enough food and cash to get us through another pointless few days? You think it’s all down to him? I suppose I should count us lucky that you’re his actual mother because, hey, guess what happened the last time a loser showed up enough times with a big smile and box of fucking chocolates? Got enough brain cells left to remember how that turned out?’

I snort as I turn back to the mirror, reaching for a lipstick from a jumble on the windowsill. I know she’ll have nothing to say to that. Violet-purple lips smack back at me as I blow a few kisses into the silence. At least now I’ve got new things too, the right stuff for a girl my age. Kayleigh too. It doesn’t hurt as much when I remember how they were all taken away from me for no reason. We’re hanging on now, and it’s because of me. I know how to see us right.

‘Lyyyyyyy…’ Kayleigh tugs at the hem of my skirt above her head as she starts to cry. I click my lipstick shut, tucking it into my bra before untangling her hand.

‘Sweet dreams, angel,’ I say, pushing past Ma as I remember the Zippo I’ve left in our room. Digging around under my mattress, I finger the loops and curls of Carly carved into its silver front, a lighter with proper style. At least there are still some people who do things especially for me, I think, smiling as I tuck it into the other cup of my bra. I bang the door on Kayleigh’s cries on my way out.

‘Alright?’ Rach looks up. She’s leaning on the opposite wall. ‘Hey, that jumper looks ace.’

I smooth the soft wool down over my front, like I’m stroking a cat. Her hair is scraped into a bun on top of her head, pulling her face tight. Smoke billows out of her nose as she looks down at me, a new blue gem twinkling from one nostril.

‘Oooh. And that looks ace too,’ I say, stroking my arm. It feels so good. I wish I never had to take this jumper off. ‘Did you do it today?’83