‘A welcoming committee, I see,’ Jason says. ‘Is that your best underwear?’

The room darkens as he closes the door, uniform creaking as he steps towards me. All shiny boots and starchy collar, this dump makes him look like he’s wearing a costume, especially since he’s got a laundry bag folded under his arm, of all things. I step back and stumble as he reaches out to pet Kayleigh, paddling my arm with his fingers as he grabs my shoulder.

‘Have you gone sick in the head now, too?’ I shrug into his hand. ‘Like you should even be looking. Freak.’

He plucks Kayleigh out of my arms, smirking as I duck and ferret around on the floor for something to cover myself.

‘So you get your kicks these days from hawking cheese and ham to your own family? What happened? Did the army kick you out? Not good enough for active duty?’ I gabble defensively as I pull on a T-shirt. 20

‘There’s no need for all that, is there, sis? If I was in the field, who’d sort you lot out?’ He croons down at Kayleigh, tickling her chin. ‘We can’t help having a swot for a sister, can we?’

My cheeks burn.

‘And you think you’re not? Don’t give me that crap about living to serve … Folding clothes right, dressing right, even shaving right, like that’s different from learning in school? Just because it’s not in a classroom doesn’t make you any less of a nerd…’

Kayleigh coos as he laughs.

‘Fighting talk, Carls. It’s times tables that make you really intelligent, is it?’

Something explodes inside me as Ma titters on the sofa. I’m suddenly so angry I can barely see, let alone breathe through the fog in this tiny room. Once, it smelled of wet, clean washing — didn’t matter there wasn’t room to move when it was all hung up, because it turned the place into the inside of a flower, I could even play between its petals. Sometimes it smelled of cooking – I could breathe in a full tummy’s-worth before I got to eat it too. If I dig around enough I can even remember the smell of felt tips. Now it just stinks of regret and despair.

‘What do you think you’re fighting for, anyway? A bigger house, or a car? Some new pointless piece of metal to wear on your shirt? What’s the prize? Which bit of the country do we get if you knock someone’s block off? Like the army has ever done anything other than completely screw this family up.’

He rounds on me, Kayleigh yelping as he grips her tighter.