‘I know,’ she says, wiping sweat off her forehead into her hair. ‘You’ve done very well to get yourself here. That in itself is a real achievement. Every new day is an achievement. You need to remind yourself of that.’ 178

She cocks her head. I look at the floor, streaked brown with spilled coffee.

‘Would it help if I start with a home update?’

I nod, sweat beading on my cheeks. She pulls a thick, sealed envelope from her bag, pushing it across the table.

‘I’m not going to lie to you it’s been a tough few months settling with the new family. The confusion and trauma of moving around is still very much with her…’

I reach for the envelope, an escaping tear blotting on to the top as I picture Kayleigh packing up her pathetic selection of possessions into yet another plastic bag as she’s bounced from family to family.

‘… but I think she’s over the worst of it now. We’re very lucky that she’s at an incredibly supportive school, and even though she’s further away now, they are very keen to keep her there.’

I sniff, cradling the envelope in my lap.

‘This couple are also a lot more familiar with foster care. Unlike the last,’ she says. ‘They’ve got two older children, so not only have the benefit of having raised them, but have also fostered a number of others in the past.’

‘Are they girls or boys – the other children?’ I swallow rising acid.

‘Both, I think,’ she says. ‘They spoke very fondly of another girl who was with them for almost three years—’

‘No, the older kids,’ I cut her off, clutching my envelope. ‘Their older kids. Are they girls or boys? Do they live there too?’

She cocks her head again as she looks at me. The string-vest girls toss their hair at each other.

‘Girls,’ she says after a moment. ‘Two sisters. One’s just finishing school, the other is at university. At least, I think she is. She doesn’t live there anymore.’

I slouch back down into my chair. Now the string vests are laughing and laughing and laughing. Nothing’s ever that funny.

‘Tough as it is, I think you need to focus on yourself,’ she says. 179‘Try to move on from obsessing over where she is and what she’s doing. Like I said, every new day is an achievement for you, every single one. Just getting up, getting to work, feeding and clothing yourself is something to be proud of.’

I turn the envelope over and over in my lap. I wonder how many photos there’ll be this time.

‘You know it is, love,’ she continues, reaching out to rest her hand on my arm. Warm, like always. Even in this heat, it’s warm, not hot.