I know Santiago doesn’t want me to worry. I know he’s keeping things from me in order to protect me, protect our baby. At least I believe that’s his thinking process. I don’t like it, but I can’t seem to budge him on that. In some ways it’s endearing me to him. I like seeing how careful he is with me. Different than he is with anyone else. He’s gentle and thoughtful and I realize I feel safe. Safe in this house. This home we’re making. Safe in his arms and in his bed.

I haven’t told him my feelings for him yet. Haven’t said the words I love you. But they’re creeping up more and more often when we make love. When he holds me afterward. And it’s getting harder to swallow them down.

He’s let Eva and I video call Hazel and her son, Michael. Michael looks like a mini version of my sister, and seeing her, even over a video, was so much more emotional than I ever thought it could be. I missed my sister these years but I didn’t realize how fresh that hurt was.

We keep the conversations pretty light with Michael and Eva around but it’s okay. At least we’ve reconnected. At least I know she’s safe. And the best part of it is that Michael already calls me Aunt Ivy and has begun to randomly call me when he gets home from school to tell me about his day. He most often forgets he’s on the call after just a few minutes and puts the iPad he’s using down to go off to play or eat a snack. It’s the sweetest thing.

Eva’s been back to school, too, at her own request which shows me how bored she was getting. Although Santiago has stationed two guards to remain at her side. She tells me they at least stay in the hallway when she’s in a classroom. I love watching them interact especially. My little sister taking on Santiago De La Rosa, poking holes in his armor, even having him outright laughing when she’s not testing every boundary.

He’s a different man from the one I met just months ago.

I would feel better having my father moved into the house, but he still refuses me that.

Today, though, I am going to see Colette. It’s late afternoon by the time Marco returns to take me but I don’t complain. I know he’s one of Santiago’s most trusted men and when it can’t be Santiago himself to accompany me to the few places I am permitted to go, it’s always Marco and only Marco.