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Back The Schwa was Here Save as PDF
Chapters (28)
  1. Cover
  2. LAB JOURNAL
  3. Title Page
  4. Dedication
  5. 1. Manny Bullpucky Gets His Sorry Butt Hurled Off the Marine Park Bridge
  6. 2. The Weird and Mostly Tragic History of the Schwa, Which Is Entirely True If You Trust My Sources
  7. 3. Quantizing the Schwa Effect Using the Scientific Method, and All That Garbage
  8. 4. Making Big Bucks off of Stealth Economics, Because Maybe I Got Some Business Sense
  9. 5. Which Is Worse: Getting Mauled by a Pack of Dogs, or Getting Your Brains Bashed Out by a Steel Poker?
  10. 6. As If I Didn’t Already Have Enough Annoying Things to Do Every Day, Now I Gotta Do This
  11. 7. The Lowest-Paid Male Escort on the Entire Eastern Seaboard, Except for Maybe the Bronx
  12. 8. Are Those Your Fingers in My Mouth, or Are You Just Happy to Not See Me?
  13. 9. Maybe They Had It Right in France Because Getting My Head Lopped Off by a Guillotine Would Have Been Easier
  14. 10. Earthquakes, Nuclear Winter, and the End of Life as We Know It, over Linguini
  15. 11. The Youngest Doctor in Sheepshead Bay Gets Held Hostage When He Least Expects It
  16. 12. A Horror Movie Blow-by-Blow, with the Undisputed Queen of the 3-B Club
  17. 13. A Russian Train, a Pulsing Vein, and My Mother’s Bag of Snails
  18. 14. More Than I Ever Wanted to Know About the Schwa’s Childhood
  19. 15. Vortex in Aisle Three—Can Someone Please Clean Up the Ectoplasmic Slime?
  20. 16. A Late-Night Trip to the Land of Beef That Could Turn a Person into a Vegetarian
  21. 17. A Traumatic Experience I’ll Live to Regret, Assuming I Live
  22. 18. Larger Than Life, in Your Face, Undeniable Schwa
  23. 19. The Schwa Gets Radiation Therapy in a Room That Doesn’t Smell Too Good No Matter How Much It’s Disinfected
  24. 20. The Weird Things Kids Do Don’t Even Come Close to the Weird Things Parents Do
  25. 21. Why I Started Vandalizing Brooklyn
  26. 22. My Anonymous Contribution to Popular Culture and to My Parents’ Phone Bill
  27. DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
  28. Special Excerpt from SHIP OUT OF LUCK

I guess you thought I vanished into thin air, huh? Did you freak? You’re smart, though, you probably figured out where I went—and guess what? I found her! My mom was in Florida after all. I got to Key West just as she was getting ready to move on. I told her she owed me big, and she agreed, so she took me along with her. She’s not what I expected. She knows lots of stuff. She even taught me to scuba dive—and I can get really close to the fish because—get this—they don’t notice I’m there.

Say hello to everyone for me. I won’t forget you if you promise not to forget me!

Your friend,

Calvin

Clipped to the letter was a photo of the Schwa and his mom on a tropical beach. She didn’t look like the unhappy woman the Night Butcher had described. The Schwa almost had a tan in the picture, if you can believe that, and he had a smile on his face as wide as the one on his billboard.

I had to smile, too. The postmark was from Puerto Rico, but the paper clip had been to the moon.

Thə End

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

  • Antsy understands how the Schwa can feel invisible because he often feels that way himself. What makes them feel this way? Do the people around them realize how they contribute to the invisibility?
  • Why is Lexie’s friendship so important to the Schwa? In what ways is she blind to the Schwa? How does her blindness affect the way she interacts with him?
  • Does Crawley live up to his reputation as a mean man? How does Antsy feel about him? How does Crawley feel about Antsy? Does this change over the course of the book?
  • Why is his mother’s story so important to the Schwa? Is Antsy right to make him hear the truth? Does this information help or hurt the Schwa?
  • Is Antsy a good friend to the Schwa? Does he help him or exploit him? Are there times when Antsy could have done more to help the Schwa?
  • In what ways is Manny Bullpucky different from the Schwa, and in what ways are they similar? How does the trip to the elevated subway affect each of them?

Special Excerpt from SHIP OUT OF LUCK

Keep reading for a preview of

SHIP OUT OF LUCK,

a companion novel to

THE SCHWA WAS HERE.

MERMAID SUSHI, EXPLOSIVE RAINBOWS,
WORLD POLITICS, AND OTHER THINGS
THAT GIVE ME GAS

DON’T ASK ME BECAUSE I DON’T GOT AN OPINION.

I’m not red, I’m not blue; I’m not an elephant or donkey; I’m not left or right; and I ain’t center either. I’m not even in the ballpark. If it’s a ballpark, then I’m playin’ hockey.