‘Oh my word, hilario! You were just being frivolous. What a joy you are. Really, you’re a total delight. Would you excuse me a moment or three while I make a phone call?’

‘Of course. I’ll fill these glasses up, should I?’

‘You bet.’

The Chump went out onto the street to make his phone call. I would guess it was probably to the Grand Saffron booking a room for the night and then one to his wife confirming that he wouldn’t be home tonight. While he was outside, Tommy came over and told me he had to leave for fifteen to twenty minutes. He asked if I would be okay and told me I mustn’t leave the bar till he got back. I confirmed this to his satisfaction.

When The Chump returned he had a strange, lipless grin on his face, which confirmed to me that he had probably secured a room at the hotel. ‘Sorry about that,’ he said. ‘I have to be available 24/7 in case some underling overstretches or puts a cock-up into the machine. So, where were we? Ah, that’s right, I was saying what a joy it was to share your company.’

He downed his glass of wine in one and replenished his glass with what remained in the bottle. I was beginning to enjoy this even more now that Tommy was gone. I hadn’t flirted with anyone for years, and was surprising myself with my abilities. I decided I should try to move things on.

‘You’re nice-looking, quite a catch I would say, what with your house in Reigate and your general importance. I can’t believe you haven’t found someone else to share your life with – you know, obviously still respecting your wife’s memory, but two years is a long time.’

‘It’s simple, I’ve never met anyone like you before.’ (His wife reckoned he went through about three or four a month.) ‘Listen, the bottle’s wept its last tear. Why don’t we go and get something to eat? There’s a superb little place right next to my hotel. I just know that you would love it all the way to next month.’

‘Lovely.’ (In my mind I spewed up a thousand tinned shrimps.) ‘Hey, I hope your wife isn’t watching down on us.’

‘Ha, yes, hilario. She really wouldn’t mind. She would want me to be happy. So, shall we make a move?’

‘Err, could we just give it another twenty mins or so in case my friend turns up? I’ve texted him a few times but he hasn’t replied. Would that be okay? I’ll get us both a cocktail, shall I?’

‘Not for me thanks. So, what do you do for a living?’

‘I design posters and flyers and all sorts of printwork. I suppose you would call me a graphic designer, but I’m not trained or anything.’