‘Yes, of course,’ I said, while thinking, Like fuck I would. ‘It’s terrible news about Brendan, isn’t it?’ I said, trying to change the drift of the conversation. ‘I told the police about our conversation – you know, about how he maybe owed someone money or…’

‘Can I stop you there, Gary? For your own sake and everybody else’s, including Emily, stop talking to the police. You should know that, working for a solicitors’ office. Come on, start behaving yourself.’

‘Yeah, good idea. I agree. Won’t say another word,’ I said, desperately hoping that they would leave and I could phone the police.

‘One more thing,’ said McCoy. ‘Where is the corn cob dongle?’

‘I don’t know what you mean, Mr McCoy.’

‘Oh, is that right? Perhaps you should ask him, Tommy.’

Tommy walked over to me and placed the flat of his hand on top of my head. He started to gently massage my scalp with his fingers.

‘RELAX, YOU LITTLE PRICK, AND GET YOURSELF GOOD AND PRESENT IN THIS VERY MOMENT. WE KNOW YOU HAVE THE DONGLE SO HAND IT OVER AND LET’S MOVE THIS THING ON.’

I knew that I was probably heading towards a beating if I didn’t come clean. I felt fear rushing around my body like maggots in a bait box and I think the stubble on my chin started to retract into its housing. My mouth was dry and sticky but I managed to say, ‘Listen, I do know about the dongle but I haven’t got it now. If you could stop rubbing my head, I can explain.’

‘THAT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. IT’S TO HELP YOU RELAX,’ said Tommy. ‘I’LL STOP WHEN YOU TELL US THE TRUTH.’

So that is what I did.

I told them how I came across the dongle and how I was unable to read its contents because it was password-protected. I had asked my neighbour who used to work with computers to try to hack it but it had proved impossible. She had subsequently lost the dongle and, if it helped, was very upset indeed about the loss.

‘Where did you last see it?’ asked McCoy.

‘In this very room. It was on that table there and my neighbour took it back to her flat. She can’t find it and I promise she has searched her flat high and low, corner to corner, ashes to ashes—’

‘FUCK OFF WITH THE LIGHTNESS, YOU WANKER,’ barked Tommy.

‘I guess you didn’t search hard enough, Gary. Come on outside with me and let Tommy do a proper job on your gaff first.’