Suddenly from behind the low wall I heard someone call Lassoo’s name. Lassoo immediately broke free from his captor and rushed towards the wall. I turned to see Grace stood there kissing Lassoo and making a general fuss of him. I walked hurriedly to join her and then ushered her towards my car as quickly as possible. As we drove away from the church, I could see the dog kidnapper stood defiantly in the middle of the lawn. He had dropped his trousers down around his ankles and was singing the Status Quo song ‘In the Army Now’.

Grace was quite rightly confused by her abrupt removal from the scene.

‘What’s going on, Gary? Am I in trouble?’ she asked.

‘No, Grace, but Lassoo very nearly was. Some bloke tried to kidnap him,’ I replied.

‘What, that bloke in the churchyard?’ she asked.

‘Yes, the wiry one with the military teeth,’ I replied.

‘Well, why didn’t you clip him around the earhole?’

‘Because I didn’t want to get my head kicked in by him and his gang.’

‘Jesus, Gary, you’re such a shithouse.’

‘Too right I am. And anyway, what were you doing leaving Lassoo alone in the flat? You never do that.’

‘I had an emergency.’

‘Well, you’ve got another one now, because when I went into your flat to check on Lassoo, it looked like someone had been in there and nicked your laptop and made a bit of a mess of your drawers and bookcases.’

‘That was me, actually. Like I say, I had a bit of an emergency.’

Once we were back in her flat, she insisted that before we tidied up, I sat down and listened to what she had to say. She seemed upset and slightly nervous as she pulled my hand across the table and held it tight.

‘Gary, I’ve done something terrible and I’m so sorry,’ she said, looking me in the eye like a naughty puppy.

‘I’m sure it’s not that bad. Come on, spit it out.’

‘I’ve lost the corn cob dongle.’ She let go of my hand and bowed her head. ‘I’ve looked everywhere but I just can’t find it.’

I sensed that she was about to cry so got up from my seat and gave her a hug.

‘Don’t be upset, Grace. It really doesn’t matter. Brendan is fine. I’ll tell him I mislaid it and he can make another copy if he wants to. Don’t be upset.’