I tried to quickly assess what I was dealing with here. He was about my height, maybe a couple of inches taller, but a lot skinnier than me. He had prison-style tattoos on his hands and forearms and a large scar on his left cheek. I think one of the tattoos was of a helicopter landing on a banana. He wore a light brown bobble hat and a red and black hooped jumper. He was wiry, with a lot of bent and pointy teeth. I suspected he might well be a biter, or at least a gnawer, and he was certainly equipped for those tactics. Fighting him would not be an option.

Lassoo was looking at me as if to say, ‘Your move, mate.’

‘Listen, it’s not actually my dog,’ I offered as an opening gambit.

‘Oh, well, in that case it’s not a problem, is it?’

‘I’m looking after him for a lady who lives on her own. He’s her only friend and companion.’

‘Well, send her down to fucking fetch him. I’ll be here all day.’

‘Come on, mate, he’s not your dog. You can’t just steal him.’

‘You going to stop me, are you?’ He gave me an exaggerated smile, fully revealing the arsenal of pain that his mouth contained.

‘What about if I was to pay you – you know, for catching him and looking after him? Would that work for you?’

‘Well, I went to a lot of fucking trouble for this hound so it’s not going to be cheap.’

‘Yeah, that’s fair enough, I was thinking maybe a tenner would cover it?’ As soon as I said this I knew I was in trouble. He knew I was scared and he could smell my panic.

‘No chance. Fifty quid and you’re getting a bargain.’

‘I don’t have fifty quid on me,’ I said as I pulled the contents of my pocket out to reveal that I had about seventeen pounds in total. ‘This is all I have.’

‘Well, then, I’ll take that as a down payment and you can go and get the rest for me. Like I say, I’ll be here all day.’

‘Maybe I’ll phone the police and see what they think?’

‘Doubt it. I’ll make sure the dog is long gone before they get here, that’s if they even bother coming. Look, mate, get me my fifty quid or don’t bother coming back.’ With that he turned away and began to walk back towards his mates.