She was so thrilled to hear it, she almost stopped yawning.

See? I knew if I hung tough with her, she’d eventually weaken. And everyone said she had me wrapped around her little paw. What did they know, huh? I was a lot tougher than people gave me credit for.

Then I grabbed my Eskimo Pie and tiptoed off to the bathroom, hoping Prozac wouldn’t hear the wrapper crinkle when I pulled it off.

YOU’VE GOT MAIL

To: Jausten

From: Shoptillyoudrop

Subject: Can’t Show My Face

Oh, Lord! I can barely show my face in Tampa Vistas. You know how fast news travels around here. Everyone, just everyone, is talking about how Daddy stole a fork from Mimi’s restaurant.

And if that weren’t bad enough, Daddy actually went out and bought a listening device to spy on poor Reverend Sternmuller! A silly piece of junk called the “I-SpyMaster.” He paid $69.95 for that thing and all it is is a headset they rent out at movies for people who are hard of hearing.

I told him if he used it in public I’d never speak to him again, but did that stop him? Noooo. He marched right over to the clubhouse with the “I-SpyMaster” on his head and plunked himself down a couple of tables away from Reverend Sternmuller. He pretended that the SpyMaster was an ordinary headset and that he was listening to his Walkman. But really he was shamelessly eavesdropping. Although why he expected Reverend Sternmuller to confess to being the Hugo Boss Strangler while playing backgammon with Greta Gustafson and Emmy Pearson, I’ll never know.

It turns out all he heard was static, and it served him right.

Thank heavens for my Stress-Less pills. I don’t know what I’d do without them, although I must admit they seem to be far more effective when I take them with a glass of sherry.

Your loving,

Mom

P.S. By the way, Reverend Sternmuller and Greta Gustafson are quite an item. People say wedding bells may be ringing any day now.

To: Jausten

From: DaddyO

Subject: Under Surveillance

I had Reverend Sternmuller, aka The Hugo Boss Strangler, under surveillance today, using a sophisticated listening device. But unfortunately, I didn’t have much luck. The Strangler probably had an even more sophisticated blocking device that created a wall of static around him.

But don’t worry, lambchop. I’ll catch him sooner or later. Just you wait.

Your persevering,

Daddy

To: Jausten

From: Shoptillyoudrop

Subject: Bingo

Tonight’s Bingo Night at the clubhouse. I hate to miss all the excitement (last week I won twelve dollars!), but I’m sure all the tongues will be wagging about Daddy.

I guess I’ll have to stay home. But if I do, I’ll only sit and stew and get more upset. And besides, why should I let Daddy’s moronic behavior keep me from enjoying a perfectly lovely evening?