After feeding Prozac a bowl of Moist Mackerel Guts and inhaling my Honey Nutty Raisin Bits straight from the box, I did the crossword puzzle (with nary a trip to the dictionary) and spent the rest of the morning polishing my resume for an upcoming job interview. And not just any job interview. I, Jaine Austen, a gal who normally writes toilet bowl ads for a living, had a meeting lined up that very morning at Rubin-McCormick, one of L.A.’s hottest ad agencies.

And so it was with a spring in my step and Honey Nutty Raisin Bits on my breath that I headed off to the bedroom to get dressed for my interview. I took out my one and only Prada suit from my closet, pristine clean in its dry-cleaning bag. No unsightly ketchup stains ambushed me at the last minute, like they usually do. I checked my one and only pair of Manolo Blahnik shoes. Not a scuff mark in sight. I checked my hair in the mirror. No crazy cowlicks or Brillo patches in my natural curls. Like I said, the gods were smiling on me.

And that’s when I saw it: a zit on my chin the size of a small Aleutian island.

Now I’ve got nothing against the Aleutian Islands. I’m sure they’re quite scenic. But not on my chin, s’il vous plaît.

I was surveying the disaster in the mirror when the phone rang. I let the machine get it.

Hi! A woman’s eager voice came on the line. I saw your ad in the Yellow Pages, and I’m calling to see if you write comedy material. I’m a stand-up comic, and everyone says I’m hilarious.

Uh-oh. My Bad Job Antenna sprang into action. People who say they’re hilarious are usually about as funny as leftover meatloaf.

I need someone to write some new jokes for my act. Your ad said your rates were reasonable. I sure hope so. I was thinking maybe five bucks a joke. Six or seven if they’re really funny.

Five bucks a joke? Was she kidding? Court jesters were making more than that in the Middle Ages.

Give me a call if you’re interested. My name is Dorcas. Oh, and by the way, you can catch my act at the Laff Palace on open-mike nights. I’m the one who throws my pantyhose into the audience.

Did I hear right? Did she actually say she threw her pantyhose into the audience? Sounded more like a stripper than a comic to me.