Colin and Lance were a hot and heavy item for a couple of months, until Lance let Colin redecorate his living room. I warned him not to do it, but did he listen? Nooo. They got into a huge fight over the coffin Colin expected Lance to use as a coffee table, and things went pffft from there.

Bad news about Kandi. She’s single again. Steve dumped her. It seems he fell in love with Armando, the wedding planner. I guess they bonded all those nights when Kandi was working late. At first, she was devastated, but you know Kandi. A month later, she was signing up for a course in Singles Kickboxing.

As for me, I spent six weeks with my leg in a cast. Not from my elevator encounter with Pam, but from tripping over one of Mr. Goldman’s two left feet at Mambo Mania. What a night. Trust me, you don’t want to know the details. Let’s just say it’s the last time I’ll ever go dancing with a man who uses his dentures as castanets.

My big job at Union National? It was heavenly while it lasted, which was all of two weeks. Yes, two weeks after I started editing the Tattler, Union National was bought out by a German conglomerate. One of the first things they did was save $40,000 a year by firing me and folding the Tattler.

The second thing they did was transfer Andrew Ferguson to Stuttgart, Germany. A quatrillion miles away. Can you believe it? I didn’t even get a chance to go out with the guy. By the time the doctor finally took the cast off my leg, Andrew was auf wiedersehen, gone with the wind. He called before he left, though, and promised to keep in touch. I’ll let you know if he does.

Well, gotta go. Prozac’s howling for her dinner.

Catch you next time.

P.S. By the way, I finally got Prozac to stop eating bacon bits. I convinced her that, with all those chemicals and artificial ingredients, they were way too unhealthy.

Now she insists on real bacon.

Freelance writer Jaine Austen is back! This time around she’s writing jokes for a female comic in order to make a buck. But when the comic’s male rival is found dead, strangled by a pair of pantyhose, and Jaine’s client is arrested, it’s once again up to her to figure out whodunit…

Jaine Austen has never been able to resist the siren call of an Eskimo Pie, just like she can’t resist renewing her romance with Andrew, an old crush. With her bank account hitting new lows, she’s also just agreed to write jokes for Dorcas, a stand-up comic who throws her pantyhose into the audience as a punch line.