‘Yeah.’ I risked looking at him, his dark eyes, the dimple by his mouth that I had once spent hours thinking about, day-dreaming at my computer. We had been good friends once – would perhaps still be, if it wasn’t for the alley. For what happened. What I’d made happen.

He nodded his head to my belly. ‘Congrats, by the way. Hope it all goes OK.’ Was there any more awkward conversation to have than that about a pregnancy, with a man you’d once slept with? Was slept with the right phrase? My mind shied away. At least I was in no danger. He would never fancy me like this, huge, in country casuals. But as we said our awkward goodbyes, and I waddled to the Tube, I found I had tears in my eyes for the loss of something. The way he’d seen me once, maybe. The person I used to be.

Luck was against me that day. When I got to Victoria, I could see at once it was more crowded than usual. People stood around tutting, staring at the large display screens as if they were oracles. A sense of panic and anger in the air. All the trains to Kent read ‘DELAYED’ – of course, the snow had predictably messed up the lines. I checked my watch – if I was lucky, I’d just make it home before Nick. Was there anything to cook in the house? Maybe if I dashed to M&S now, I could get something, bash it up a bit to look home-made. I was sure he’d know. He seemed to know everything I did.

I was not lucky. A platform number appeared on the sign after I’d spent half an hour standing, afraid to go into a café and sit down in case a magical train appeared and I missed it. I lumbered towards the platform, exhausted, and watched people on the train avert their eyes from me in case they’d have to offer me a seat. In the end, some kind young woman gave me hers – it was always women – and I almost cried. I rested my head against the cold glass, as the train inched south. It stopped so many times en route, waiting outside Otford for what felt like twenty minutes. I played with my phone, the battery close to dead again – I should really have texted Nick, but there was still a chance he’d be late and I’d beat him there. I saw I had a message from Claudia, who was perhaps feeling guilty: Call me anytime you need babe. Stay strong xx. I deleted it – I didn’t want Nick to see.