I was replaying every conversation we’d had in my head. Had you actually said you were a doctor, or just that you worked at the hospital? Had I assumed, seeing you in your borrowed lanyard, at the conference you’d blagged your way into? I wondered why anyone would do that. Just to stay at a hotel for the weekend? Maybe looking to pick someone up, and there I was, ripe and ready and drunk? ‘I’m sorry,’ I said, trying to pull myself together. ‘You must have patients to see. I’m just – I really thought he was a doctor.’

‘Let me get this straight.’ Dr Holt was looking as confused as me. ‘You met a man wearing my name badge, but he was really Patrick from our admin department? And he said his name was Sean, but you thought he was a doctor?’

‘Yes. No. I thought – he said there’d been a mix-up. That you were a colleague.’ And that was true, he was your colleague. I felt like I was losing it. Had you lied? Or had you been true to me? The name Sean, that was a lie too, unless you used it sometimes; I knew some men went by their middle names.

‘I need to be in surgery in five minutes.’ Dr Conway turned, and I could smell his breath across the room, the unmistakable tang of booze. Had he been drinking, when he was about to put someone under? His dark eyes, red-rimmed and baggy, fell on me, and I saw it – he knew who I was. He knew all about us. You must have told him, though you’d insisted you never would, that I should tell no one either.

‘Of course, off you go. Thanks, Jim.’ Conway left the room, and Dr Holt turned back to me. ‘Are you sure you’re alright? I could get the nurse. You can lie down in the exam room if you—’

A sharp stab of panic went through me. If I let them treat me here, there would be records. A way to trace me to this place, to my stunned reaction at finding out you were dead. Dead! ‘I’m fine. Thank you for your help. Sorry. I have to . . .’ And I got up and ran down the corridor after Conway, as fast as I could. He was almost around the corner.

‘Wait! Dr Conway.’ I was out of breath already, winded and weakened by shock. I leaned against the monochrome wall of the ward.

‘What do you want?’ His tone was cold.

‘Please – I need to know what happened to him. To Sean. Patrick, I mean. I’m Suzi.’

I waited for a reaction, and after a few moments he nodded. ‘I thought so. What are you doing here?’

‘I needed some answers! He just disappeared. I had to try and find him, but now I learn he wasn’t even a doctor?’