Then, going back to your room. The bar was empty and they’d cleared our table three times. You said something about a hip flask of something oak-aged and I got up with an embarrassing alacrity and we were in the lift. I remember leaning in towards you, drawn as if by wires, breathing you in, head spinning with the warmth of your skin, your aftershave. A feeling that was better than a drug, eroding all my guilt and shame.

Even the next morning I could have ended things, chalked it up to a drunken mistake. Another one, just like Damian. Instead, I went along with the slick advice you gave me, your firm kiss on my mouth like the stamp of a seal on a letter. ‘Put my number in your phone,’ you said. ‘Use a woman’s name, someone made up, and maybe an initial, like it’s a work thing.’

I was sitting up in bed, still naked, a little wind-burned by the speed of your leaving. ‘He won’t look,’ I said.

‘They always look. Set up a secret email account and only use that – there’s a browser you can download that deletes all data every time you click out. There’s no need to get caught unless you’re stupid.’ You paused. ‘Oh, and listen, my name’s not Andrew.’

‘What?’ I didn’t understand.

You laughed, not meeting my eyes, told me some story about a mixed-up booking, that Andrew was a colleague of yours at the hospital. ‘When you saw my badge, I just went with it.’

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ I blinked in the cold morning light.

You shrugged. But I knew. You had not been sure you’d ever see me again, and it was convenient, having someone else’s badge on. ‘I’m sorry. My real name’s Sean. I promise, it was just a mix-up. I have to go.’ Even then, I had not heeded the warning signs. I wanted you. And so I kept on walking, deeper and deeper into the sea.

That was an idea, wasn’t it? I hadn’t been able to find you on any of the hospital websites, but what about that supposed colleague of yours? What about looking for Dr Andrew Holt? At least, being pregnant, I had the perfect cover for investigating hospitals. Beside me, Nick drowsed so peacefully. The sleep of the innocent mind. Me, I hadn’t slept properly in months, even before meeting you. And now was no different. Feeling the baby press on my bladder, I got up to pee, then crept downstairs, half-wondering if I might go online right now and look for you. But if Nick woke up, he’d want to know why. I couldn’t risk it.