You didn’t deserve what happened. None of us did. But fate conspired against us and I was forced to make a choice. Although I sometimes wonder whether I ever really chose. When I look back on what happened, it always seems my path was chosen for me. Perhaps you’ll be able to find sense where I have not?

I have two regrets. The first is that we can’t be together. It causes me pain every single day, but without that pain, well, you know the alternative. You lived it. For a few agonizing weeks, you saw what life would have been like. My other regret is Sabih Khan. His face haunts my dreams and helps me accept my punishment.

I hope you don’t miss me as much as I miss you. There’s no need for sadness. We were blessed to have had more years together than we were due. It was an honour to call you father, but you know you were more than that to me – you were also a friend. The best I ever had. If you find yourself mourning me, take comfort in the knowledge that one day I will find happiness. Please don’t be sad for me. I have as much as anyone could hope for, even if it’s not everything.

With all my love,

Elliot

Those of you familiar with my work might be surprised by this tale, but before I became an author, I had another life. Writing is a metaphor for my journey. I came to it unwittingly, unwillingly and am captive to it.

Don’t pity me. Like my son, I’ve suffered more than most and been trapped in ways few could understand, but I have almost everything I’ve ever wanted. There is just one thing missing, and it’s the thing I miss the most.

I’ve tried to tell this story once or twice before, but even my closest friends don’t believe it. Their sidelong glances of scepticism grind away at me and I’ve always lost heart before reaching the end. So I’m publishing it as a book, perhaps my last, and my readers can make of it what they will.

This is my son’s story. I have no doubt it will be sold as fiction, but rest assured every word that follows is true.

David Asha

Part One

The Child

Extract from the court report of R v. Elmys

ROGER SUMPTION QC for the Crown Prosecution Service

Ms Hardcastle, you run Sunshine Start, is that correct?

ELAINE HARDCASTLE

Yes.

ROGER SUMPTION QC

Could you describe what you do?

ELAINE HARDCASTLE

We provide temporary care for children until they can be placed with a foster family or adopted.

ROGER SUMPTION QC

Can you explain how you first encountered the defendant?

ELAINE HARDCASTLE

Mr Elmys was going to adopt Elliot Asha. Well, he did, but when I first met him, he was still going through the legal formalities.

ROGER SUMPTION QC

I believe you told the police there was something odd about Mr Elmys’s behaviour on the day he came to collect Elliot.