This has been our ideology,” the imam said. “And it must be transformed in the deepest part of our collective soul.”

“How have you been able to hold onto that when you’ve lived so long in the world of violence? When you’ve orchestrated so much of it?” Dominique asked.

“Not without our souls becoming darker,” Hashim answered.

“There are others who hold these same two worlds inside,” the imam said.

“How can we reach them?” Nazir asked, with a staggering depth of courage and curiosity that would help him lead an evolution.

“You have already begun, my son,” the imam said.

99

99

Catherine’s cottage didn’t seem like much of a refuge to Dominique now. It was the middle of the night, and she’d shared with Julian her experience of the meeting. But he seemed deaf to what she had to say.

“What is wrong with you?”

“You’re going to take away everything that lets them feel alive.”

They were in the backyard, so as to not disturb the others in the house.

“You’re not having doubts again, this deep into it, are you?”

“Not doubts.”

“What then?”

“War sucks. But talk to most guys who come back alive, and they’ll tell you life is boring stateside. And regardless of what the imam and Hashim said about holding two worlds inside, you talk to those who are promised virgins, and tell them it’s a lie, and they’ll put a bullet in your head.”

“It’s not all Lord of the Flies, Julian.”

“Want to bet? The beast is only us. You want it to work. You want to see them underneath all that evil as capable of transformation…”

“We are.”

“An imam with a crazy brother who’s seen the light. Hashim manipulating you to get out of prison. A White House too easy to put you on the frontline.”

“If this is still so hard for you, we’re lost.”

“We’re walking through something we have no idea what it is. It’s unseeable, unknowable, and uncontrollable. I’m terrified. And you’re fooling yourself to think otherwise.”

“I’m terrified, too. But the cost of not making this choice will continue to breed hate, bloodshed, and annihilation. It’s been carved into us for centuries. It is not inherent in our design. We’ve been brought together, because in a time long before this, we made a pledge. Don’t abandon that now.”

“You’ve been pulled so far down this rabbit hole, I don’t know who you are now.”

“Who are you, Julian? Who are you, now?”

She could see her question was gutting him of the remnants of primordial armor he still wore.