Liv felt his breath on her lips and her skin tingled all over. Every hair on her arms and neck lifted as he grew even closer. It had been so long since she felt this desirable. Just another few millimeters and their lips might touch. Fire flooded her body.

She closed her eyes. This isn’t for you, she told herself. Stop.

Another tiny part of her wanted him to carry on.

“You’re forgiven,” she whispered, to break the moment.

Hank kissed her lightly on the cheek, catching the side of her mouth. “Thanks, Ess,” he said blearily.

As he pulled away, Liv swallowed and took hold of her bag. She quickly stood up. She felt like a bird who’d flown too close to the sun and singed its feathers. “I should go,” she said.

“Hey, stay awhile. Please.”

She shook her head. “I’m sorry, I can’t.” She was afraid of her own feelings.

Someone moved the rope for her and her heart galloped as she rushed away. She glanced back at Hank and he smiled sadly at her.

She returned it and saw his head tip forward a little.

In the taxi home, Liv wiped off most of her makeup and mussed her hair out of its bob. The house was dark, so she could slip out of her dress without Jake noticing it.

When she climbed into bed, her husband was already asleep.

Liv lay awake for the longest time. The purple alcohol, whiskey and Hank’s kiss were ingrained in her mind, making her head swirl and her cheeks burn.

She finally knew the truth about what had happened to Essie. She’d been humiliated on the one date that was supposed to reframe her past. The man she loved, who hadn’t tried to shape her, had let her down. Everything made sense now. The mystery was solved and Liv should sleep peacefully.

Except she tossed and turned all night with something niggling deep inside her. She sensed a part of the puzzle was still missing, but didn’t know what it was.

27

STARFISH

When she woke, Liv felt like her head had been squeezed in a vise, making her eyes bulge. Her mouth was gravel dry. She wrenched herself out of bed and swallowed paracetamol before going downstairs.

Jake and Johnny stood washing pots together in the kitchen. The atmosphere felt razor sharp.

“You missed breakfast,” Jake said, not turning to look at her.

“It’s half ten, Mum,” Johnny said. “What time did you get in last night?”

Liv winced at her throbbing head. “Mums are supposed to say that to their kids,” she said.

Neither Jake nor Johnny laughed at her joke. Johnny disappeared upstairs to gather more things together for university. His course started in a little over two weeks’ time.

Liv sidled up behind Jake. “Sorry I was late home last night,” she said. “Something cropped up. How did the awards go?”