Lucy leaves me and heads up to the stage to get organized. I wander over to the wall on the left side of the room. I’m hiding, but I’m also watching, for once, instead of being trapped inside my own thoughts. Chim arrives with a couple girls I used to be friends with at Carter. Seeing her face makes my breath catch in my throat. The photos Lucy brought over the other night triggered things I’d buried deep down inside myself, and they reminded me that I’ve missed Chim—that there was more to us than drunken nights and hangovers. She’s my oldest friend in the world now, and somewhere along the way I forgot that we used to have fun together before drinking kidnapped our friendship and turned it into something else entirely. She spots me and waves. I wave back but stay where I am. I know the two of us need to talk—really talk—sometime soon, but this is not the place.

I notice that on the stage Lucy and Conor keep bumping shoulders. At first, I think it’s accidental, but then I notice how he watches her when she’s not looking, and I know he’s smitten. Poor guy.

Across the room, Anne directs traffic coming in the front door. The seven photos from the school memorial hang from the wall on the other side of the room. I see Jordan’s face, and for the first time, looking at it doesn’t make me want to scream.

When I turn back to the band, Zach has appeared on the other side of the stage. He’s staring at me like he’s seen a ghost. I’m about to wave, to go over there and say something—anything—but before I can, Conor grabs the microphone.

“Thank you, everybody, for coming out tonight. It means a lot to so many people that you’re here. I think Anne wants to say a couple words?”

Anne walks up and whispers into Conor’s ear for a second. He nods and she steps back off the stage.

Conor puts his lips to the microphone. “Okay. No speeches tonight. She just asks that you guys remember to meet out back after the show. Cool. Thanks.”

He turns to the band, now poised and ready behind their instruments, and nods.

As the first note hits, Lucy catches my eye. I recognize the song immediately: “Wait” by the band M83. It was Jordan’s favorite song before he died. He would play it on repeat in his room, over and over, until I swear I heard it in my dreams.

I start to cry.

Lucy has a look of deep concentration on her face as she plays, and in the moonlight she’s so beautiful. So…Lucy.