Matt’s really up in my face now, and part of me wants to back down and let this slide. My hands tremble by my sides. I’m pretty sure if I tried to speak, my voice would break in half. Before this year, I never had a reason to fight. I hardly had a reason to argue. Things were just…easy, days sliding into other days, everything lubricated. This tension is new, and I hate it, but I’m starting to see that it’s not going to go away, no matter how hard I wish it. People like Matt aren’t going to let that happen.

I take another step forward. My chest is inches from his, and I’m sure he can hear my heart pounding. I’m sure that if I looked down right now, I’d see my cotton T-shirt pulsing in rhythm with its beats. I’m sure I’m about to change my life with whatever happens in the next five seconds….I’m so sure…and I’m ready for it….I am. I’m ready for it.

And right as I’m about to do something—granted, I don’t know what, but I know it’s going to be big—the door swings open once again.

Chapter Nineteen

I open the door to the room where the band’s prepping, and the first thing I see is Zach and some kid in each other’s faces. The second is how tiny the room is. I stop short, and Lucy slams into my back.

“Ow!” she cries. Her drum rattles to the ground. I turn and see her rubbing her arm. She glares at me. “What the hell? I need these arms tonight.”

“Can you go in first, please?”

She scowls at me but doesn’t argue; she knows better than to try. We trade spots and she lugs her drum into the room. I linger on the outside edge of the doorway.

“What’s happening, kids?” I know Lucy can tell something’s off in the room, since Zach and the other guy are standing chest to chest like a couple of douche bros, but she ignores them. She’s good at this—defusing. I think she learned it from dealing with her dad’s drinking when we were younger. She’s done it with me so many times I’ve lost count. She sets the drum on the floor in the middle of the room.

The guy who’s up in Zach’s face turns, and I see it’s the band’s guitarist. Another girl, who I recognize from Lucy’s audition the other night, stands against the far wall. She looks like she’s trying to pretend she’s not freaked out by what’s happening in here. I feel for her.