My jaw clenches. I knew that; of course I knew that—but this is the first time I’ve heard it said out loud. I don’t like how it makes me feel: a churning mix of guilt and anger and worry and fear. I squint down at my hands, limp in my lap, blinking hard.

“Hey.” My mom’s hand wraps around mine for a moment, and I look up, surprised. Her eyes are worried. “This is hard to talk about, isn’t it?” I shrug. She shakes her head. “We should have talked about it more, over the years. I should have. Trying to balance everything—work and bringing in money for our family, and you guys, and your dad…” Her eyes mist. It’s the closest to crying that I’ve ever seen her come. “I’m sorry if I haven’t handled it well. If he hasn’t. But you have to understand—depression is a beast. He’s still there, under it, and now that he’s finally getting some help and taking the right medication…I’m sure you’ve noticed he’s been trying to engage more?”

I nod, reluctant to agree, but thinking back on all the knocks on my door over the past month, the times he’s popped his head into my room. The times I dismissed him.

My mom leans back in the chair and grows quiet, and in the silence, I realize this is the most we’ve ever discussed my dad.

“May was the one who vandalized our house all those times.” The words are out before I can stop them.

She raises her eyebrows. “May? Your friend who was here for dinner?”

I nod.

She clears her throat. “Ah. She told you that?”

“Yeah.” My voice sounds rough and gravelly. “At that memorial assembly. She gave this speech, and then when I tried to go help her, I guess she decided she needed to come clean or something? I don’t know. I haven’t talked to her—I’m not going to talk to her.” I growl the last word; I sound angrier than I even thought I was.

She pushes a hand through her hair, a tired look in her eyes. “Look, Zach. I’m not going to try to tell you that you shouldn’t be angry. I know it was a breach of trust on her end. But please keep in mind that that girl—she’s been through hell. I hope you remember that. I hope you can see it. I saw the video of the speech she gave, and it sounds like she blames herself for everything—even though she doesn’t have any reason to. The weight of that can do strange things to a person.”

I shrug. “Still.”