“I was defending this guy—he wasn’t much older than you are now—who’d been accused of something he didn’t do. A rare thing, when you’re a defense attorney.” She lets out a harsh little laugh. “He didn’t have much money….I worked it pro bono. And he was found guilty. To this day, I can remember his face, his mother’s face, when they took him away.”

“That’s awful,” I say. And I mean it, but I don’t understand her point.

“Since then, I’ve been doing my best to make sure everyone has a fair trial, whether they are guilty or not. I always see little bits of humanity in my clients—little bits that represent things I see in myself. In you.” Her eyes are sad.

“You’ve always been an idealist—a perfectionist,” she continues. “It’s one of the many things I admire about you. I know you think I never should have taken this case. I know it feels like that would have been the right thing to do, especially given the harassment that our family has dealt with because of my decision. That said, one of the reasons I became a lawyer—one of the reasons I still am a lawyer—is because I truly believe that everyone deserves a fair trial. I’m not going to let anyone tell me I can’t do my job. And I know you and Gwen are strong enough—brave enough—to deal with whatever those people throw at you. Maybe you think it’s not fair of me, putting you both in that situation to begin with, but I have convictions too.”

She pauses for a moment. “As you get older, I hope you can remember that people aren’t just the sum of their mistakes. The world isn’t black-and-white—the best thing you can do for yourself is to look at the spaces between those poles, to see that extremes aren’t useful to anyone. Your dad is starting to realize that, but for years, he couldn’t. Not about himself, or about anyone else. You remind me of him sometimes.”

I tense at the mention of my dad. “I’m nothing like him.”

She nods. “I get it. I know it hasn’t been an easy few years with him.”

I mutter, “Understatement.”

“I know a lot of things have fallen on you that you shouldn’t have had to deal with. Helping out around the house, driving your sister places, all of it. I appreciate it more than you know, Zach. And your dad does too.” She sighs. “He’s been trying, though. I know it feels like it’s too little too late.” She takes a deep breath. “But I think you deserve to know—he’s suffered from depression for years.”