Her breath heaved out of her body as her head made contact with the ground. Something in her neck snagged and tore. Beyond the balcony, in the sky above the sea, she watched as the Northern Lights once more came out to play. No colours this time, just white flashes that zigzagged their way across the cloudless landscape.

Not the Northern Lights, she realised dimly. Nor was it the Leonid meteor shower. Rather, damage inside her own head, her own body. On the brink of unconsciousness, she tore her eyes away from the outside world and forced herself to look at Paula.

Yes, she thought. She had underestimated this woman.

And then Paula began to talk, and Anna listened as best she could.

Chapter 25

Before

On the doorstep of the house I’d hoped never to see again, I took a deep breath as I dug my key out of my pocket.

I’d not told anyone in Edinburgh that I had to return home. I’d not mentioned the phone call from Carl. I didn’t tell the girls I roomed with, not the boy I’d met, who I thought I could love, nor any of the teachers or staff.

In the dark hallway, I flicked the switch as I closed the front door softly behind me. I almost turned it off again straight away, wishing I didn’t have to see that no housework had been done since I’d left.

All was quiet, and there was an impending sense of something twisted and wrong as I took my coat off and hung it on the banister. Carl hadn’t said why I needed to come back. Just that it was my mother.

I took another deep breath and trudged slowly up the stairs.

They were in her room, my mother propped up on the floor with her back against the bed, her head hanging low. She wore just her underwear, and without the ever-present dressing gown, I was shocked to see how thin she was. I thought of my own new-found purging routine, and it was something of a wake-up call. I vowed that I would stop before I ever got to look like the emaciated woman in front of me.

Carl was in the bed, the dirty sheet pulled up to his chin, the telephone beside him. In the gloom of the room, the whites of his eyes watched me carefully.

‘Mum?’ I said, and when there was no response, I repeated it louder. ‘Mum.’

‘I don’t know what happened.’ Carl spoke for the first time.

‘What do you mean?’ I looked at him, because it was easier than looking at her.

He shrugged, his mouth downturned and sulky.

My heart began to beat faster. I put a hand on my chest, hoping to steady it, but already my body was preparing me for the blow that I didn’t even know had landed.