“I think this time I’m pregnant,” I say out loud. “It just feels...right.”

If Nina really were here, I’d say more. Obviously. She was pleased when I met Ben, she’d offer good advice when it came to dealing with his aloofness. Her absence is stark. I lean down and pick up Stuart’s tie from the floor. It’s too...red. He has loads. Nina and Stuart had this thing where she’d buy him one every anniversary because she thought he looked handsome in a suit. I roll it up and push it into my jacket pocket. The past can hold people back; I’m here to help him heal. Christmas isn’t far off and I feel a twinge of pleasure at now having a decent gift idea for Stuart.

Yet, all this is a delaying tactic because I’m not being decisive enough to do what I really came up here for, and I’ll be frustrated if I don’t. I can’t waste any opportunity. I slide open Stuart’s bedside drawers, check beneath the bed and open the wardrobe. After a quick scan of the bathroom, my heart rate slows. There’s nothing incriminating. Which is good, because I feel slightly grubby at having poked around. But it’s not as if I can ask him what I need to know outright, so for now, stealth is necessary.

As I walk down the stairs, my footsteps are muffled by thick carpet. Nina hated her feet getting cold. A large print, one of the first she completed at our art college, is framed in the middle of the wall, exactly halfway down. I briefly stop and study it, even though I could paint it myself from memory. It’s alive, rich in primary colors.

Downstairs is child-friendly, no glass tables or sharp corners. Two giant bean bags, one green, one blue, take up space in the living room between the oval wooden coffee table and the TV. It’s not quite to my taste, yet I’ve spent many happy evenings here watching movies with the kids (Paddington being the most popular choice lately) or discussing books with Nina’s book group friends.

My favorite place, however, is the kitchen, with its black marble island, underfloor heating and built-in wine racks. Nina was a gadget person (I’m not sure what the purpose of some of them even are) but they look interior design–magazine chic.

The guest cottage to the rear of the back courtyard is designed to be a true haven. Nina came up with the idea to rent it out as a vacation rental when we first viewed this house. It’s hard to think that was less than two years ago. Before...we all knew. There were no obvious signs; innocent times.

Stuart was doing well, there was no reason for them not to put in an offer for the spacious five-bedroom family home, complete with an acre of childhood-heaven-like grounds. It was very late in proceedings to put a halt to the buying and selling of their old and new homes—Nina didn’t want to rent—so they went ahead. Denial? Maybe. Or perhaps it was a desire to inhabit the future family home, however briefly.