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Chapters (60)
  1. Copyright Notice
  2. Dedication
  3. TED BANNERMAN
  4. OLIVIA
  5. TED
  6. DEE
  7. TED
  8. OLIVIA
  9. DEE
  10. TED
  11. OLIVIA
  12. DEE
  13. TED
  14. OLIVIA
  15. TED
  16. OLIVIA
  17. TED
  18. DEE
  19. OLIVIA
  20. TED
  21. OLIVIA
  22. TED
  23. DEE
  24. OLIVIA
  25. TED
  26. OLIVIA
  27. TED
  28. OLIVIA
  29. TED
  30. DEE
  31. TED
  32. LAUREN
  33. OLIVIA
  34. TED
  35. OLIVIA
  36. DEE
  37. TED
  38. OLIVIA
  39. TED
  40. OLIVIA
  41. DEE
  42. OLIVIA
  43. TED
  44. OLIVIA
  45. DEE
  46. TED
  47. LAUREN
  48. TED
  49. LAUREN
  50. TED
  51. NIGHT OLIVIA
  52. TED
  53. LITTLE TEDDY
  54. TED
  55. AFTERWORD
  56. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
  57. BIBLIOGRAPHY
  58. Also by Catriona Ward
  59. ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  60. Newsletter Sign-up

In the bathroom, Dee turns on both the taps. She can hear him waiting for her behind the door. His distress, his animal breathing. She’s aware, in great detail, of her own body; her skin, so strong in some places, like on her heels and her callused fingertips, so thin in others, like her eyelids. She feels the delicate hair that stands up on her forearms, the soft globes of her eyes; her long tongue and throat, her purpled organs and muscled heart, which pumps the red blood through her. It is pumping fast, now. All these vulnerable things, which can be broken or punctured: the blood can spill; bone can become a cracked white edge; eyeballs can be burst by the pressure of two thumbs. She looks for a mirror, to reassure herself that she is whole, unharmed. But there isn’t one above the basin or anywhere else in the dim, dirty bathroom.

She flushes the toilet, washes her hands and opens the door.

“Could I have a drink of water?” she asks. “I’m parched. Is it always so warm around here? I thought this place was known for the rain!” He turns without a word and lumbers into the kitchen.

She looks about her as she drinks. “Do you hunt? Fish?”

“No.” After a moment he asks, “Why?”

“You must freeze a lot of stuff,” she says, “to need two freezers.” Only the small combination fridge-freezer appears to be in use. The other—an old, industrial chest freezer—lies empty and open, lid resting against the wall.

He looks embarrassed. “Olivia likes to sleep in there,” he says. “My cat. I should have got rid of it when it broke, but the thing makes her happy, you know? She purrs and purrs. So I keep it. Dumb, I guess.”

She looks inside. The box is lined with soft things—blankets and pillows. On a cushion she can see a hair—it is brown, or reddish-brown. It doesn’t look like a cat hair. “Does Olivia live outside?” Dee asks. She can’t see cat bowls for food or water anywhere in the kitchen.

“No,” he says, offended. “Of course not, that would be dangerous. She’s an indoor cat.”

“I love cats,” Dee says, smiling. “But they’re such assholes. Especially as they get older.”

He laughs, a startled stutter. “I guess she is getting older,” he says. “I’ve had her a long time. All I wanted, when I was a kid, was a cat.”

“Ours used to sleep in the dryer,” she says. “It gave my dad nightmares. He was so scared he’d mistake her for a sweater and…” She mimes spinning, makes the face of a horrified cat, staring out through glass.

He gives another little choked laugh and she adds a kind of dance, like the cat paddling in the swirling laundry.