My fingers meet paper. I take it out. The Murderer. My list has been taped back together. The last name stares at me. Mommy.

Little Teddy does not mean the murderer of the birds. He probably doesn’t even know about that. He is talking about another murder.

I been TRYING to show you, Little Teddy says. But you didn’t want to know.

His memory hurtles toward me, carried on the pain. A rush of feeling, color, wet earth, moonlight on empty streets. It’s like watching a movie with scent and touch.

LITTLE TEDDY

We share it out between us—the time and hurt. Big Ted took Mommy to the woods so she could become a god. But I saw what happened the night BEFORE.

I am in the living room. Daddy has been gone some years now. Little Girl With Popsicle vanished from the lake the other day. Everyone is VERY upset.

There is a paper on the table in front of me. It is a job application. I draw a picture of myself on it in yellow crayon, humming. The smells of cigarette smoke and burned coffee creep under the kitchen door. The terrier lady is talking.

“Half a can in the mornings, dry food at night,” she is saying to Mommy. “But only after his walk. Heavens, I nearly forgot. The potted ferns need water three times a week. No more, no less. Some people would say that’s too much but the soil should always be a little damp, I think, for ferns.”

“You can depend on me,” Mommy says gently.

“I know I can,” the terrier lady says. There is the sound of keys chinking. “The one with the green ribbon is for the front door; this is for the back door, down to the storm cellar. I don’t open it, in general. Oof, Meheeco. I’m going to have a cocktail with breakfast every day. One with an umbrella. I’m going to swim and lay in the sun and I’m not going to think about work once. Nope.”

“You deserve it,” Mommy says warmly. “The strain you’ve been under.”

“You said it.”

There is silence and rustling, the sound of a cheek being kissed. The terrier lady is hugging Mommy. I press my ear harder against the door. I’m jealous, I am FILLED with vinegar.