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Chapters (60)
  1. Copyright Notice
  2. Dedication
  3. TED BANNERMAN
  4. OLIVIA
  5. TED
  6. DEE
  7. TED
  8. OLIVIA
  9. DEE
  10. TED
  11. OLIVIA
  12. DEE
  13. TED
  14. OLIVIA
  15. TED
  16. OLIVIA
  17. TED
  18. DEE
  19. OLIVIA
  20. TED
  21. OLIVIA
  22. TED
  23. DEE
  24. OLIVIA
  25. TED
  26. OLIVIA
  27. TED
  28. OLIVIA
  29. TED
  30. DEE
  31. TED
  32. LAUREN
  33. OLIVIA
  34. TED
  35. OLIVIA
  36. DEE
  37. TED
  38. OLIVIA
  39. TED
  40. OLIVIA
  41. DEE
  42. OLIVIA
  43. TED
  44. OLIVIA
  45. DEE
  46. TED
  47. LAUREN
  48. TED
  49. LAUREN
  50. TED
  51. NIGHT OLIVIA
  52. TED
  53. LITTLE TEDDY
  54. TED
  55. AFTERWORD
  56. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
  57. BIBLIOGRAPHY
  58. Also by Catriona Ward
  59. ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  60. Newsletter Sign-up

Even when we’re inside, he still hovers in the hall, not seeming to notice the cobwebs and the brokenness of it all. So now I have to offer him something. The refrigerator yields the sour stench of old milk. I feel a twinge of despair.

“Beer,” he suggests, looking at the contents.

“Sure,” I say, feeling immediately more cheerful. I take a look in the cupboards. “I bet you’ve never had a pickle with peanut butter.”

“You would win that bet,” he says.

We sit in the broken lawn chairs out back. It is a beautiful day. Dandelion clocks dance in the low sun. The trees whisper in the slight breeze. I turn my face up to it. For a moment I feel almost normal—sitting in my yard in the late summer heat, just like anyone might, having a beer with a friend.

“Hospital,” he says. “You must have missed being outside. You like the woods.”

“I did,” I say.

“Hey,” he says, but not to me. The tabby cat steps out of the undergrowth. She looks even thinner than usual. “What’s up?” She slides and curves around the rusty chair legs. He puts some peanut butter on the ground for her and she licks it, purring. “Poor girl,” he says. “She belonged to someone, once. They took her claws out then they abandoned her. People.” The cat lies down at his feet. The sun shows up the dust in her fur.

I try to think of a question a normal person would ask. “What’s it like, being a park ranger?”

“It’s good,” he says. “I always wanted to work outdoors, ever since I was a kid. I grew up in the city.” I can’t imagine him among tall buildings, on busy sidewalks. He seems designed for great distances and solitude.

“You and I have talked before,” he says. “At the bar we say hi sometimes.”

“Oh,” I say. I am too embarrassed to tell him that I don’t remember much about the times at the bar. I think Little Teddy took over toward the end. He’s not good at talking to grown-ups. Or maybe I was just drunk. “I picked that bar to take women to,” I say. “How dumb is that?” I tell him about my date with the woman in blue.

“But you kept going there, on your own. Even after you realized what kind of place it was.”

“Oh,” I say. “Yeah, to drink.”

Something is happening to the air between us where we sit. Time seems to stretch out somewhat. I can’t stop looking at his forearm, where it rests on the rusty chair. Pale skin, covered in fine hair that glows in the sun like burning wire.

Fear ripples through me. “I’m not like a regular person,” I say. “It’s hard being me. Maybe even harder being around me.”

“What’s a regular person?” he says. “We do what we can.”