I wonder where Daddy is, and then I remember. Daddy left because I punched him in the head. I recall the crack of the bone against my knuckles, and look of the bruises on my hand. It is one of the many times I have been grateful that I do not feel pain. He felt it. I know that Daddy deserved it, but I have to search for the reasons why. It comes back to me in flashes. I had to hit him because he was yelling at Mommy. Calling her bad names, saying she was insane.

“Tsk,” Mommy says, breaking into my thoughts. I look up at her, grateful that she is there. “You have cut yourself on that knife, Teddy.”

I start and put the knife back in the drawer. I didn’t remember taking it out. “It’s fine, Mommy.”

“Don’t take risks with your health,” she says. “It needs disinfecting, and a couple stitches. I’ll get my kit.”

No, that didn’t happen then. I am in the wrong memory, now. Never call a woman insane. The feel of Mommy’s cool hands on my face and the sappy green scent of the woods in the springtime. No, that is not right, either. I try to find the thread of that day. I am almost panting with frustration. There was something important about it. But it is gone.

The second time Mommy brought me to the forest was for Snowball the mouse. I was in the living room, crying over the cage. What was left of him lay gleaming in a corner. The sawdust was brown and hung together in clumps. A lot of blood in such a small thing. I remember the taste of snot and fear. I clutched my yellow blanket to my face and it was soaking wet; the blue butterflies glistened with sadness.

I looked up and there she was in the doorway, watching me in silence. She was wearing her blue dress, the floating one she called her tea dress. I didn’t know what to do. How could I explain?

“Don’t look at me,” I said. “I didn’t do it.”

“Yes, you did.”

I screamed and seized the Russian doll from the mantelpiece. I threw it at her. Tiny dolls flew in every direction. They all missed her head. They splintered on the wall behind. I screamed again and picked up the music box. But I was frightened of the bad feelings writhing through me. I let the box fall to the floor. It broke with a deep twang.

“Look what you have done.” She was calm. “You take everything from me, Theodore. Take, take, take. Are you quite finished?”

I nodded.