She and Spencer hadn’t cared. Not only had the candlelight made everything more romantic, but Anna had been secretly pleased. They’d never forget that anniversary now. They had another anecdote to file away under ‘Anna and Spencer’s marriage’, one they’d share with their friends, and years later with their children and then their grandchildren when they took them to the beach. This was gold in the treasure chest of her soul.

But now Spencer was gone, those shiny moments she’d collected and cherished were all she had left. Only sometimes they felt like arrows in her heart instead of riches. Sometimes they were both at the same time. It was all very confusing.

Her mother must have guessed her thoughts, because she said, ‘I know it’s hard, darling. Especially as you didn’t have a proper chance to say goodbye to Spencer…’

Anna’s breath hitched and tears stung the backs of her eyes.

‘But maybe today will be a good day to try and do that? Not forget him, of course, but find a way to, you know…’

Anna’s shoulders slumped, and she mouthed the next words along with her mother: ‘move on.’

Her mother was almost as bad as Gabi, suggesting projects to fire her passion, different support groups and self-help books.

‘I suppose so,’ she said. It was just that nothing seemed to excite her anymore, nothing seemed to light her passion. It was very hard to move forwards when you felt like a flat tyre.

‘Listen… I’m just pulling into the hotel car park, so I’ve got to go, darling, but I want you to know I’ll be thinking of you all day. Call me again if you need me.’

‘I will,’ Anna said hoarsely. ‘Thank you, Mum.’

‘Nonsense. It’s what I’m here for.’

‘I know. But I appreciate it anyway.’ Anna heard her mother’s engine cut out. ‘I’d better let you go… Love you, Mum.’

‘Love you too…’ And then her mother was gone.

Anna concentrated on the road again, chewing over what her mother had said. It made her think of that stupid phone call on New Year’s Eve. That’s what she’d been hoping for, she realized now – a chance to talk to Spencer, to say all those things she wished she’d said to him but never had. And then that hope had been snatched away again when she’d realized it was just her imagination conjuring up things she wanted to be true.

And she was sad it wasn’t true, even if it had been a ridiculous idea. Even if it had been just that one time, it might have been enough. A chance to say a proper goodbye. Their last goodbye. Because she needed to do that. Or at least start to do that. Her mother and Gabi were right. She needed to learn to live without Spencer, no matter how nonsensical the idea seemed.

As she drove, she pictured herself standing on the dunes at Camber Sands, looking out across a beautifully ruffled sea, the wind rustling the long, waxy grass, the pale sun low in a slate-blue sky. She imagined herself breathing out. That was all she was asking for today. Not complete peace and healing. Just some space to close her eyes, think of Spencer, and breathe out. All the way.