Chapters (36)
- The Last Dragonslayer
- Copyright
- Dedication
- Practical Magic
- Tiger Prawns
- Zambini Towers
- About the Mystical Arts
- The Magiclysm
- Mother Zenobia
- The Dragon Question
- Patrick and the Childcatcher
- Norton and Villiers
- Mutiny
- William of Anorak
- Brian Spalding – Last Dragonslayer
- The Dragonlands
- Maltcassion
- Gordon van Gordon
- The Truth about Mr Zambini
- Big Magic
- His Majesty King Snodd IV
- Yogi Baird
- Foundling Trouble
- The Duke of Brecon
- Dragon Attack
- Mr Hawker
- Maltcassion again
- Sir Matt Grifflon
- Escape from Zambini Towers
- Back to the Dragonlands
- Noon
- Anger
- The New Order
- The End of the Story
- About the Author
- Also by Jasper Fforde
‘The more you do this,’ I said, altering the total on the bill and recalculating the VAT, ‘the fewer sorcerers there will be to do this sort of work. The next time you want any plumbing done you’ll have to get a builder in and tear all the plaster off the wall.’
‘What do I care?’ sneered the man selfishly. ‘The job is done.’
He stormed out and Price came back in. He wasn’t very happy.
‘It took us only half a day to do his house, Jennifer. An army of plumbers couldn’t do it that fast and I got a splitting headache to boot. We should have taken him to court.’
I got up and placed the cheque he had written in the cash tin.
‘You know as well as I do the courts rarely side with the Mystical Arts. All he has to do is invoke the 1739 Bewitching Act and you could end up on a ducking stool – or something worse. Is that what you want?’
Full Price sighed.
‘I’m sorry, Jennifer. It just makes me so mad.’
The phone rang and Tiger picked it up.
‘Hello,’ he said, ‘Kazam Mystical Arts Management, can I help you?’
There was a pause.
‘No, I’m sorry, madam, we can’t turn people into toads. It’s usually permanent and highly unethical . . . no, not even for cash. Thank you.’
At that moment, Lady Mawgon strode in with Moobin close behind. She didn’t look too happy – furious, actually.
‘I’ve explained about Mr Digby to Full Price,’ I said, feeling mildly nervous. Mr Zambini had been gone six months, and although I had so far avoided any arguments, they would eventually happen, I knew it – and, as likely as not, they would come from Mawgon.
‘We’re not here about that,’ said Lady Mawgon, and I noticed several other Zambini Tower residents at the door. Some were on the active list, like Kevin Zipp, and others not, like the Sisters Karamazov. There were also ones I hadn’t seen for a while, such as Monty Vanguard the Sound Manipulator, and an old and very craggy sorceress who looked as though she were half tortoise – long-retired eleventh-floorers, the pair of them.
‘What can I help you with, then?’
‘Am I to understand,’ began Lady Mawgon, trembling with indignation, ‘that Mr Trimble of the ConStuff Land Development Agency offered Kazam two million moolah for the precise time of the Dragondeath?’
‘He did, and I said I’d think about it.’
‘Isn’t that the sort of decision that we should all make in the absence of Mr Zambini?’ asked Lady Mawgon.
‘Two million moolah is a lot of moolah,’ added Price.
‘And could pay for all our retirements,’ put in Monty Vanguard.
‘I’m not sure the deal is still on the table,’ I said, trying to stall for time.
‘Mr Trimble just called me,’ said Lady Mawgon. ‘The deal is definitely still on.’