‘Sorry about that,’ I replied to the truant officer, even though I wasn’t, ‘but Patrick has a long memory, and you and he didn’t get along, now did you?’

‘It’s an unpopular profession,’ said the Childcatcher, brushing himself down, ‘but someone must do it.’

The Childcatcher had a weaselly face covered in unsightly pustules which was framed between two curtains of lifeless black hair.

‘He should show greater respect to a servant of the Crown.’

‘And he will,’ I assured him. ‘We take any disrespect to King Snodd’s representatives most seriously.’

‘Good,’ said the Childcatcher, although I could tell he wasn’t wholly convinced. ‘I understand you have a new foundling, and I want to know why he has not been enrolled into any schools.’

Tiger and I exchanged glances. He’d be too busy for school, and working at Kazam was education enough. Besides, if he did need to learn anything truly academic, we could always get one of the wizards to help. A book hidden under an enchanted pillow at night to seep up into the head works wonders. Sadly, the school board didn’t see it that way.

‘Unless I have a very good reason for Master Prawn’s non-attendance, we shall be forced to send him to school against his will.’

I didn’t know what to say. Mr Zambini had bribed the Childcatcher when he came for me, but that had been a different Childcatcher – one that had eventually gone to prison for taking bribes. I wasn’t sure it would work this time around, and using sorcery to bend the will of a civil servant was not only outrageously illegal, but unethical.

‘I don’t need to go to school,’ said Tiger loftily, ‘because I already know everything.’

The Childcatcher laughed.

‘Then answer me this: what did the “S” stand for in General George S. Patton?’

‘Was it “Smith”?’

‘Hmm,’ said the Childcatcher suspiciously, ‘probably a lucky guess. What are the prime factors of 1001?’

‘Easy – 7, 11, and 13.’

I stifled a laugh and attempted to look serious as Tiger reeled off the answers that the Remarkable Kevin Zipp had given him the previous day. It was just as well he had memorised them.

‘Okay, that was quite impressive,’ said the Childcatcher. ‘Final question: what is the capital of Mongolia?’

‘Is it Ulan Bator?’

‘It is,’ replied the Childcatcher uneasily. ‘Looks like you are what you say you are. Good afternoon, Master Prawns, good afternoon, Miss Strange.’

And he stomped angrily from the hotel.

‘Well,’ said Tiger, ‘I know now why Kevin carries the accolade Remarkable. How did he do at the races? I expect he made a fortune.’

‘Lost every penny he owned,’ I replied, ‘and the shirt off his back. Soothsayers are like that. They see many futures, but never their own.’

Norton and Villiers

Norton and Villiers